


Our Fate is Sealed

by LaCacciatrice



Category: DC Cinematic Universe, DCU, Justice League (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, barry and victor have been giving each other heart eyes, iris is one hundred percent done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-10 18:37:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12917829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaCacciatrice/pseuds/LaCacciatrice
Summary: Now, with Victor, everything made so much more sense. Everything looked brighter. And Barry questioned the way he lived his life. Maybe enjoying life itself didn't mean he was betraying his father or mother. Being with Victor, spending time with him and enjoying every second of it didn't feel like a mistake nor a flaw. On the contrary, it felt so right.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I created a tumblr account (lanthimo) so you guys can reach me whenever you want. I am always ready to talk about DC, fics or cry over Flash and Flashborg.
> 
> English isn't my first language. I am actually pretty bad at it. Please bear with me here.

Barry was 9 when he chose his path. He was going to become a forensic scientist and prove his father's innocence since he couldn't find it in himself to become a cop. He would always say "you won't see me on the street, knocking heads with criminals". So, that's how he found himself studying Organic Chemistry in Central City University. It was his first step to becoming a CSI for CCPD. It wasn't easy. He was juggling two jobs while double majoring in CCU. His guardian, Darryl was working at CCPD and he hated the idea of Barry seeing his father, still believing in his innocence after all those years. Darryl was a friend of Nora Allen, if they had chance, they could become more than friends. When Barry was 9, his father and mother always argued. His father would blame his mother about leaving him for another man but Nora never cheated on Henry and they both knew it. Then it happened. That terrible night. After Nora's death, Darryl couldn't find it in himself to watch Barry grow up an orphan, not knowing how people would treat the poor boy. Darryl might feel like he owed this to Nora but a part of him truly cared for the boy. He was a nice kid, suffered a terrible fate because of his father's sins. 

Barry didn't blame Darryl for not believing him. His mother was forcing for a divorce, they were arguing. And then she died. Of course, they all thought it was Henry who killed Nora. But Barry knew from the moment of finding his mother's cold dead body in the middle of their kitchen that it wasn't his father. It was something else. Someone else.

Darryl forced Barry to see therapists, believing it's traumatic for a kid to find their own mother covered in blood. But none of those therapies went well. They all ended up with Barry crying about his father's innocence and therapists giving Darryl a long list of anti-depressants. Barry took them for a while. Dropped all, therapies, meds and everything during high school.  

Stop taking meds during high school was a tough choice. He never wanted them in the first place. But high school was harder than middle school. Kids were crueler, classes were harder. Barry didn't mind being alone though. Instead of making friends, he started to read. He read everything he could find. He read comic books. His favorite hero was Jay Garrick, also known as the Flash. It was an old comic book series and barely anyone knew it but Barry was obsessed with it. Of course, reading comics and science magazines didn't help his image in high school. 

He didn't have any friends until he met Iris West at CC Jitters. Barry wasn’t inattentive. He did pay attention. But his observation skills were pretty selective. He didn't look at people twice. That’s probably why he was surprised to hear that Iris knew him. Another reason was Barry was almost invisible. People bumped into him, they didn't look at him twice. But Iris did apparently. How someone with beautiful smooth dark skin, gorgeous eyes and flawless hair could notice a loser like him, Barry didn’t know. She was studying journalism at CCU and she had a friend in Barry's class. She saw him around sometimes. Barry blushed and apologized for not knowing her. Iris laughed and introduced herself. Barry didn't expect to make a friend but heaven knows he was glad to have one. After that, CC Jitters became his favorite place. He hated dorm rooms, he didn’t have another friend. So he spent most of his time at CC Jitters, studying. Iris gave him free cupcakes time to time. It was nice.

Then it got nicer.

There was this one guy, Barry couldn’t take his eyes off him. It was really embarrassing. Even Iris noticed his stupid crush at some point and laughed. But Barry tried to not make a big deal of it, Iris was nice and she wasn't trying to be mean to him. She actually tried to encourage him to talk to the guy but of course, Barry would never. There was more than one reason. First of all, Barry wasn't brave enough to. He never learned how to deal with crushes. And the other guy was out of his league. Iris would kill him if she heard him talking about himself like this but it was true. He was taller than Barry, really but really muscular (his one arm must be bigger than Barry's waist), he had plump lips, a fancy haircut, beautiful chestnut eyes and smooth dark skin like Iris'. He was a popular, confident guy, wearing Central City Cougars jacket. There was no way he would look at Barry's skinny, awkward self twice. And it's better this way, really. Barry would probably embarrass him in every possible way if this guy directly looked at him. 

His name was Victor.

At least this was what Iris told him. Barry pretended like he didn’t care, of course. It was a crush and it would pass soon. But at nights, when he was tired of studying and needed to take a break, he would stand in front of the bathroom mirror, not to wake up his grumpy roommate, and whisper Victor's name, only to feel what it feels like on his tongue. 

Cut a long story short, Barry was fucked. 

He didn't even talk to him once. He didn't know what he sounded like, he didn't know if he was nice. All he knew was Victor had the most beautiful smile on the planet and he was gorgeous.  

So, here he was, hiding behind a thick Chemistry book and absolutely not eyeing the boy sitting across room. Victor was with his friends but that was nothing new. He was always with his friends. Yet another difference between them. 

Barry sighed and turned back to his book. Midterms were coming and juggling two jobs and double majoring was getting harder. Lately he could barely get any sleep between studies and his jobs.

He was startled by the sound of porcelain plate hitting against the wooden table. He looked up to see Iris' smiling face.

"You look terrible, Barry." She said. "Here, I saved this red velvet cupcake for you." Barry face softened. He was really touched by Iris trying to look out for him. No one other than Darryl ever did.

"Thank you, Iris." Her reply was a shrug. As Barry reached for the plate, Iris quickly looked over shoulder and sat down next to him. Barry raised an eyebrow. Iris' boss was not an asshole but he hated when she took a break to talk to Barry. Sometimes Barry felt bad when the older man looked at him, saying 'you are wasting my best employee's time' with his eyes.

"I think he likes you, too." She said excitedly. Barry pretended like he didn’t know who she is talking about.

"What?" He said, eyeing the delicious looking cupcake. 

"Victor." Iris said annoyedly. She rolled her eyes and grabbed Barry's hand, leaning forward to look into his eyes. "He couldn't take his eyes off you all day." Barry squirmed uncomfortably. He hated when people pointed out things like this. He always felt like being watched.

"Iris, that's ridiculous." Because it was. Why would Victor look at him? Maybe he and his friends were making fun of him? Oh, great. Now he was going to lose the only peaceful place in his life. He knew he wasn't supposed to run away but if Victor and his friends are really making fun of him, Barry didn't think he could ever come to Jitters again without feeling sick. 

"Barry, stop being so hard on yourself. You may not know it but you are really pretty." She grinned at him. "You know, I was hitting on you before I knew you're gay." Barry hated when Iris made him turn red like a tomato.

"Please, don't." He pleaded. Iris sighed and got to her feet but not before squeezing Barry's hand. 

"Give yourself a chance to be happy, Barr." She said before leaving to get another table's orders.

Barry couldn't focus on his studying after that. He rubbed his eyes annoyedly. He didn't feel like going back to dorm room, it's not like he could study there. Their room was small and almost depressing. He tried to make it feel more like a home by putting Christmas lights over his bed, some photos of his childhood with scented candles. But at the end of the day, it was still a dorm room. And to be completely honest, there was no point of trying to study because all he could think about was Iris' words. Was she right? Was Victor looking at him? Were they mocking him?

Barry checked his phone annoyedly, he needed a distraction. He read a couple of tweets. There was nothing interesting. Superman saving a bus full of people, people defending or hating on him, upcoming match of CC Cougars and Gotham Wildcats...

"Excuse me." He heard someone talking but he didn't think they were talking to him, especially since there was no one to talk to. He didn't know any of those people other than Iris. It was only after someone cleared their throat right next to him that he looked up. And his jaw dropped. 

Here, Victor was standing in front of him, alone, with a polite smile on his face. He was wearing dark jeans, hands shoved in his pockets, a white t-shirt and CC Cougars jacket. He was ravishing. 

"Umm..." Barry mumbled like an idiot. Great. "Are you talking to me?" Victor grinned.

"Yes."

"Why?" Barry wanted to facepalm. He was an idiot. He imagined dying from a heart attack right on the spot. Victor shrugged.

"I just wanted to say hi."

"Hi." Barry said, waving his right hand like an idiot. Victor laughed, genuinely laughed, throwing his head back and everything. Wow. Barry didn't even feel offended by Victor laughing at him. Not when he looked so good doing so.

"Can I sit?" Victor asked comfortably. Barry was actually jealous of his confidence. He would like to be this comfortable in his skin.

"Sure." He said, trying to sound as cool as possible (and probably failing). Victor sat next to him.  Barry's eyes wandered on the table, on his chemistry book. Anywhere but Victor. Why was he so socially awkward? People think it's cute but actually it's just a pain in the ass.

"So," Victor said, reaching for his book, "you study Chemistry?"

 "Organic Chemistry." Barry said, nodding like a robot. 

"Interesting." Victor said. "I am studying mechanical engineering." Barry really appreciated how much Victor tried to hold a normal conversation with him. He probably noticed Barry's tense pose and trying to help him to relax. Too bad it wasn't working. Barry hated not knowing what's going on or what to expect. So, he decided to directly ask. It was better than drawing out.

"Why are you talking to me?" He said out of nowhere. If Iris was in hearing range, she would slap him upside the head. "Not that I mind but... You don't know me."

"That's why." Victor answered simply. "I keep seeing you around here."

"Yes." Barry said. "My friend, Iris, she works here. She lets me stay as long as I want and give me free stuff sometimes."

"That's cool." Victor replied simply.

"Yeah. She is cool." Barry said, stroking the back of his neck awkwardly.  _Please, don't let me blush,_ he prayed in his mind. 

"Is she your girlfriend?" Victor asked casually like he was asking Barry what is his favorite type of coffee. 

"No!" Barry answered quickly. "I am not—We aren't—I don't--" Barry bit his lower lip nervously. You don't go and around and tell people you are gay that easily. People can be assholes sometimes and Barry wasn't good at dealing with assholes. But Victor was not an asshole clearly. He smiled at Barry.

"I understand." Victor grinned ashamedly. "How stupid of me. I came to your table and questioned you but didn't even introduce myself. I am Victor Stone." Barry pretended like he didn't already know his first name.

"Barry Allen." Glad to see that at least he could still introduce himself without embarrassing himself.

"Barry? Is this a shortened nickname?" Victor said jokingly. Barry would rather die than to tell him.

"You have to earn my trust to know." Wait. Was Barry Allen actually flirting? Incredible. Barry wanted to high five himself.

"Okay, Barry Allen." Victor said, grinning. "I accept your challenge."

"Wait, challenge?" 

"Yes. I will learn your full name." Oh, fuck. "And I promise I won't go around asking people and your friends your name." Barry didn't feel like pointing out that he had no friends and that most people probably didn't even know who he was.

"Okay." He said eventually. "Cool."

Of course, Barry didn't believe Victor would spare any time to him. As soon as Victor mentioned his football practice and left, Barry was sure it was the last time he was seeing the other boy.

And he was, for once, wrong. 

It wasn't. 

It didn't occur to him until later, when he got back to his dorm room and he was tired to death, could barely keep his eyes open. He threw his backpack on the floor, next to their desk, and fell face first into his bed without even taking his coat off. His eyes snapped open when he realized it.

He talked to Victor.

Well, more like Victor talked to him but who cares, right? Small details.

Victor Stone, charismatic, handsome, talented, popular kid, actually talked to him. And he wasn’t forced to do so. They were not doing a school project like back in high school when Daphne Dean was forced to work with Barry. And she was mostly nice, talked about her dreams of becoming an actress and everything. However, she didn't come to him, they didn’t decide to work together. It was their teacher who put them together. And after that they barely talked again, though Daphne was nice enough to say hello to him time to time. But they weren't friends.

It wasn't like this with Victor. He did come to Barry. He walked to Barry's table out of nowhere and wanted to speak with him. He was nice, sweet and, if Barry was brave enough to admit it, flirty. 

Barry wanted to bury his face in the pillow and scream like he was 13 again and crushing over a very attractive actor. Though Victor could easily pass as a very attractive actor. 

His daydreaming got interrupted by August walking into their room, slamming the door after himself. Barry rose on his elbows and looked at his roommate.

"Are you okay, August?" Other boy ran a hand through his already messy hair. 

"Yes, yes. It's my parents again. God, I fucking hate them." Barry looked down at his sheets uncomfortably. He would like to remind August how lucky he was to have them but he didn't want to get involved. August wasn’t a bad guy, they just weren't that close. His family issues were complicated, as far as Barry knew. There was something wrong with his brother but Barry didn't know much about him either. "Anyway," August looked at Barry suspiciously, "you look different. What's going on?" Barry blushed slightly and turned his back to August, facing the wall as he lied down.

"Umm, nothing. Absolutely nothing. What could be? There is nothing going on. Same old same old."

"Jeez." August rolled his eyes. "Calm down. I didn't ask."

Next day was even weirder. Everything was the same, almost boring, until Barry's last class of the day ended and he lazily shoved his books and stuff into his backpack and left the lecture hall. And came face to face with Victor Stone. No, he bumped into him. Victor Stone. The guy who was built like a freaking wall. 

"Oh, sorry!" Victor said, grabbing Barry's shoulder to recover his balance. "I didn't mean to."

"It's okay." Barry said awkwardly. "I am a bit clumsy, it's not your fault." Victor awarded his effort to comfort him with a bright smile. Barry looked around them anxiously. He was really bad at handling social encounters. And adding a really handsome boy whom Barry happened to have a crush on was only making it worse. He hoped Victor would lead the conversation, saving him from more embarrassment. 

And Victor didn't disappoint.

"So, I have been thinking." Victor said as he gestured them to walk. Barry just then realized they were standing in front of the door and blushed. He followed Victor's steps. "I think I have an idea."

"About what?" Barry asked confusedly. 

"Your name." Barry ran his eyes away quickly. Yes, it was kind of a challenge but... Victor actually thought about him. "Is it Barrance?"

"No." Barry grimaced. It was almost worse than Bartholomew. "It's not that hard. There are not many people named Barry. I mean calling themselves Barry. Because normally parents don't name their kids Barry. Unless they are Irish. But I don't know if Irish people really name their kids Barry. I don't know any Irish. But then there was an American Dad character named Barry however—Umm... You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know." Victor said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I lied to be honest." Barry raised his eyebrows.

"Lied? About what?"

"I know your full name is Bartholomew Henry Allen." For some reason, Victor saying his name made it ten times more embarrassing.

"Then why were you—"

"I wanted an excuse to come here today." Barry was going to ask him what he meant when he noticed something.

"Hold on. I understand Bartholomew, it's easy to guess but how did you know my middle name?" Victor scratched the back of his neck shyly. Seeing that confident boy getting embarrassed like this was interesting. And cute. Pretty cute.

"I might or might not ask your friend Iris."

"You asked Iris about me?" Victor shrugged.

"I cheated. Before talking to you, I mean. I kept seeing you at Jitters and you were always talking to her an I wondered... I had to make sure I wasn't crossing a line." So, Iris was playing with him. She pretended like she was just observing when she actually knew Victor was looking at him. But Barry was still confused.

"Crossing a line?"

"Yeah. I mean if she was your girlfriend—" Victor stopped on his track suddenly, Barry almost slipped when he tried to follow his suit. Victor's expression changed from shy university boy to something more serious. His eyes were deep and so intense that Barry felt like crushing under them. However, no matter how serious his expression was, it wasn’t unkind. "You know what I am trying to say." Barry might be considered as an anti-social but he wasn't an idiot (he was actually pretty smart, thank you). He had an idea. But he was too cautious and insecure to even think about it.

"I am not sure." He said, stammering his words slightly. 

"I want to get to know you better." Victor shrugged. "And maybe we can move from there." Okay, seems like Barry was right.

"You mean..." He didn't finish his sentence, there was no way he could actually ask this. 

"Yes." Victor said, leaving no place for doubt.

"Oh." Was all Barry could force himself to say. It wasn't his brightest moment but he believed he was allowed to be shell-shocked. Luckily, it didn't seem like Barry's lack of answer annoyed Victor or put him off. That was another amazing thing about Victor, he was understanding and for some reason Barry felt like the other boy understood him better than anyone else. Even his father or Darryl. 

When Victor started walking again, Barry was quick to follow him.

"Wait, where are we going?" Victor looked at him over his shoulder, smiling.

"Jitters, of course. I am dying for a caramel macchiato."

Iris gave him a thumbs up as soon as she noticed Victor and Barry walking into the café. Fortunately, Victor was telling him about their latest football match and he was focused on Barry so, he didn't see Iris' reaction to seeing them together. Now, Barry always loved Iris. She was sweet, understanding, smart, beautiful and passionate. Barry was none of those things. Well, yeah, he was nice and polite and he was clearly smart. But he didn't have Iris' charisma and charm. And Barry admired her. But he wished she wasn't here right now. He already had a great capability of embarrassing himself without feeling anxious due to Iris' hawk eyes. 

"Am I boring?" Victor asked. It took Barry a moment to understand what he meant.

"No! God, no. I am just... I was distracted, I am sorry." Victor shrugged.

"You are honest. I like that."

Iris appeared next to them as soon as they were seated. She was biting her lower lip to stop herself from smiling ear to ear. 

"Hello, gentlemen." Victor showed her one of his brightest, most sincere smiles as Barry awkwardly waved at his friend.

"Hello, Iris." 

"What can I get you?" Iris reached for her notepad (Jitters was old school like that), eyes lingering on Barry maybe a second too long.

"I want a caramel macchiato." Victor said, turning his eyes to Barry expectedly. Oh, they were waiting for him.

"Same for me." Barry mumbled. Iris raised an eyebrow, she knew Barry likes tea more than coffee. But fortunately she didn't say anything. When she left, Barry wiped his sweaty hands against the fabric of his pants and looked at Victor under his lashes. Victor was comfortably sitting there, smiling at Barry assuringly. It was okay. He didn't mind Barry's nervousness or lack of social skills. He was a patient, nice guy. 

"So," Victor reached for a small package of sugar and played with it abstractedly, "you live in the dorms? Or with your friends or family?" Barry's eyes stayed on Victor's long fingers, the contrast between white package and his dark fingers was hypnotizing.

"Umm, yeah, in the dorms." Victor nodded slowly.

"Are you from around here?"

"Yes." Barry knew he did very little to keep the conversation going but Victor didn't look like he minded. "I have always lived in Central City."

"I am a Gotham kid myself." Victor grinned. Barry finally looked up at him again.

"Wait, really? The Gotham?"

"Do you know another Gotham?" Victor raised an eyebrow. Barry leaned closer.

"The one with Joker, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy and... And Batman?!"

"Out of all the things, I should have known this would get you excited." Victor said, still smiling. "You are such a nerd." Barry's cheeks flushed when he realized how excited he sounded and leaned back against his chair. This time, it was Victor's turn to put his elbows on the table and lean forward. "Hey, I didn't mean it in a bad way."

That was when Iris decided to come back with their drinks. She placed two tall mugs filled with caramel macchiato and a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting on the wooden table. 

"A special cupcake for a special date." Barry wanted to bang his head against the table when Iris grinned at them.

"It's not a date." He groaned, hiding his face behind his pale hands.

"Is it not?" Victor said, sounding very laid-back unlike Barry who was having a heart attack every 5 seconds now.

"That's not what—" Barry tried to explain anxiously. "I mean—I didn’t know—I didn't think—" Iris felt a bit guilty for making Barry suffer like this, she raised a hand at Victor apologetically and left them alone to solve this between them.

"Calm down, Barry." Victor said. He reached forward to grab Barry's hands and pulled them away from his face softly. "I was just kidding. And you are right."

"This is not a date?" Barry couldn't help but sounded a bit disappointed. Victor nodded.

"This is just us hanging out after a class." A sweet smile appeared on his lips. "This would be a really lame date if you ask me." Barry realized that Victor's hands were still holding his on the table. "But, if you are interested of course, I would actually like to go on a date with you."

"A real date?" Barry said, sounding less smart than he actually was.

"A very real date." Victor grinned. "You and me alone. Without Iris embarrassing you." Barry groaned again but Victor was still holding his hands so there was no way he could hide behind fingers again. "Hey, it's cute, you know?" Barry looked at Victor like he grew another head.

"Cute?"

"You, blushing." Victor elaborated. "It is very cute. I am not trying to embarrass you again but... you are pretty cute."

Oh, wow. So, Victor Stone called him cute. He wasn't dreaming. It wasn't like getting called 'handsome, attractive, gorgeous' like Victor probably hears all the time but cute was okay, too. It was better than what people normally call Barry. Annoying, weirdo etc. 

"Umm," Barry squirmed, "you are, too. You are cute. And very handsome. Sorry, was it too forward—"

"No, not at all. Thank you." Barry scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"So... About that date..."

"Is this a yes?" Victor helped him out once again.

"Yes. Of course. I mean, sure. It is. A yes. It is a yes." Victor laughed joyfully and Barry didn’t even feel frustrated this time.

"Okay. I am glad to hear that." Victor took a sip from his coffee. "When will you be free?" 

Barry's exams were almost over. He was working on an important project that he was supposed to hand over in 3 days.

"Friday." He said. Victor nodded behind his mug.

"That's cool. I am also free on Friday." Barry bit his lower lip undecidedly, he didn’t want to annoy and make Victor run away but he wasn't good at this kind of things and he just really needed to ask. So badly.

"So, it's going to be a date?" He asked shyly to make sure. "On Friday. We are going on a date?" Victor reached for the knife next to plate Iris brought them and nodded.

"Yes, Barry, it's a date." He said sweetly and cut the cupcake in half. "So, do you like red velvet?"

Victor was sweeter than any of Iris' cupcakes. He was a delight. He walked Barry to his dorm and didn't even try to sneak a kiss (not that Barry would mind). He gently held Barry's hand in his, lacing their fingers together at some point. Even if Barry's face turned to tomato red, Victor was polite enough to not comment on it. 

It was getting cold in Central City, Barry shoved his other hand in the pocket of his coat and made a mental note to bring knitted gloves next time. But for now, he didn't mind. Victor's hands were soft and warm. His eyes focused on the dark sky. The way to his dorm was kind of romantic at cold autumn nights. Barry didn’t realize this before not that he had any reason to. He would usually walk this way his head bowed down and alone. This was probably the first time he was actually paying attention to fallen leaves, slightly wet cobblestone from the afternoon rain and wooden benches under warm yellow street lamps. Central City's lively streets and lights were lying in front of them, he could hear cars, people chatting and everything else. This city was alive. 

It was beautiful.

Central City was beautiful. And it took Barry some time to understand why he has never appreciated it this way. You need someone to fully grab this side of the city and life overall. Barry was lonely for so long that he didn’t even think of stopping and appreciating his surroundings. He was so focused on his grades, school and getting his father out of jail that, everything outside of that part of his life was black and white, in a blur, barely there. Now, with Victor, everything made so much more sense. Everything looked brighter. And Barry questioned the way he lived his life. Maybe enjoying life itself didn't mean he was betraying his father or mother. Being with Victor, spending time with him and enjoying every second of it didn't feel like a mistake nor a flaw. On the contrary, it felt so right. 

Victor said a simple good-bye, awarded him with a smile and before taking off, his left hand gently caressed the skin of Barry's cheek.

If Barry stood there for a while, looking after Victor with a dumb expression on his face, he would deny it the next day.

Of course, August wasn't as nice as Victor. The moment Barry walked in with his flushed cheeks and big ass smile, August started laughing.

"Don't tell me you got laid?!" Barry thought of Victor's soft yet firm hands, in his own hands or on his cheek, and blushed even further.

"No!" August rolled his eyes, sitting up from where he was lying on his bed. There were papers all over him, maybe August finally decided to study for midterms as well. Barry hoped it wasn't too late for his roommate.  

"Of course not." August said. "Barry Allen is a prude."

"I am not." Barry said, only slightly offended.

"But you are definitely a virgin." Barry dropped his backpack next to his bed and sat down, taking off his coat. 

"Can we please stop talking about my... you know."

"Sex life?" August grinned. "More like nonexistent sex life." Barry groaned and let his body fall back against the bed, his dark hair falling over his eyes. He noticed his hair was getting longer. Maybe he would get a haircut tomorrow. He was okay with long hair but August always said he looked like a hippie. Iris disagreed, of course. 

August laughed a bit then, finally, left Barry alone and focused on his studying.

Barry rolled onto his side, burying half of his face in the pillow. He couldn't help but smile when he thought of Victor. Their walk to his dorm, their fingers laced together. Victor's beautiful smile. His deep, rich voice. His smooth skin. Muscles of his arm. Despite his 6′ 3″ body and thicker than Barry's waist arms, his eyes were so soft and warm and when he smiled it felt like—

"Oh my God," August groaned, "stop fucking smiling like an idiot, it's annoying."

Barry's good mood wasn't only obvious to August.

Next day, Barry found himself sitting on one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs of Iron Heights, pressing a cold, cheap phone against his ear with his right hand.  

Barry looked down, feeling the weight of his father's gaze on himself. It's not like he didn't like his father or felt uncomfortable around him. But every time he visited Henry Allen, his father would watch him with those dark, deep eyes of his, like he is observing his own son. Barry felt like his father could see every dark line under his eyes, every tense muscle of his body.

He also hated how his father would tell him to drop everything and leave every time Barry visited him. Like now.

How could he give up? How could he leave? How could he live knowing that he failed his father, left the only person he truly loved in this ugly place and pretend like nothing happened? Barry would rather die.

"You look tired." His father said and Barry hated how sad and broken he sounded. His father was the one in jail, he wasn't supposed to feel bad for Barry. He didn't need this concern top of everything. He wanted to punch and break this glass separating them, he wanted to walk into there, grab his father and run. Only if he could. And hug him. Oh, how much Barry wanted to hug him. His hand that didn't hold the phone balled into a fist on his leg with the amount of will Barry used to restrain himself. 

"Midterms." Barry said simply, if his voice sounded a bit hoarse he could only pray that this primitive way they communicate in 21st century would hide it, at least.

"And your other 25 jobs." His father said annoyedly. "Unlike other students who go through midterms." Barry pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes tightly and he leaned forward. His father was exaggerating, he was working in two jobs other and they were kind enough to allow him a week off for his midterms. Seriously, it wasn't that bad. And Barry was so, so tired to explain this to his father. He was tired of talking about this every time he came to here. 

"Dad, please--"

"And you look different." Barry looked up at him through the glass, eyes widened with surprise.

"Like what?" His father shrugged, a small smile appearing on his lips. 

"You look... better. You still look tired but there is something under there. You look happier." Barry thought about the last week and blushed. Having fun with Victor and Iris made him feel guilty somehow. He knew it was silly, there was nothing he could do for his father until he got his degree and he couldn't spend rest of his life mourning because his father's in jail but he still felt bad about it. 

"I--"

"Don't." His father said sharply. "Don't feel bad for being happy. That is all I want. All I care about." Barry had to blink his eyes a couple of times to hold back his tears. His father didn't need to see his son crying top of everything. 

"I am good, dad. Don't worry about me." He bit his lower lip, hiding a very big smile. "I actually made a friend." He didn't know what they were, him and Victor. But he could definitely call Victor a friend if nothing more. 

"I am so glad to hear that Barry." And he clearly was. "How is he? Is he another science nerd?" He said jokingly. 

"Not really. He is a very popular kid, a football player from Central City Cougars actually." He said with an odd pride. Why was he feeling so proud of Victor's success? "He is studying mechanical engineering." His father looked at him with wide dark eyes.

"Wow, Bare. That's amazing. I am happy for you. Really, at this point, I am going to sound like a bad parent but, you need to stop studying so hard and get out more often."  Barry was dying to tell him more. But the same guard, Sam was his name, announced their time being up, and maybe Barry should be glad because telling his father about Victor's smooth skin, deep voice or gorgeous body would be awkward.

"See you next week." Barry said half-heartedly. He always felt terrible leaving his father behind. The only thing keeping him on his feet was believing that one day they would walk out of those doors together.

 "See you, son."

Barry decided to visit his mother's grave right after leaving Iron Heights. It was still only 3 pm, he had time. It wasn't planned, more like a sudden decision. It's been a while, Barry was so busy keeping two jobs and school in check that he could hardly find time for something else. His free time would be dedicated to Henry. Barry thought his mother would understand and be happy to know that Henry wasn't alone, that Barry didn't leave him behind. Still, he couldn't help but feel guilty. So, he decided to buy the nicest bouquet of flowers and went to the graveyard. After all, he had free time thanks to his bosses giving him a week off for midterms.

As he stood there and looked down at his mother's name on the cold, grey stone, Barry couldn't help but feel like something was coming to an end. There was an uneasy feeling in his chest. Something was about to change and he was reasonless (at least not more than ever) to be anxious. Like a dog sensing a storm or earthquake. 

He shook his head, sat down despite the cold weather and moist grass. He told his mother about university, about Henry and Victor. Unlike with his father, Barry told his mother everything. How much he liked Victor and all. He's always been mama's boy, after all. 

When it was time to leave, Barry felt lighter. He felt less guilty about being happy. 

Barry hated to admit but despite juggling two jobs, he had so many free times due to being lonely. August spent most of his time out of their dorm room unlike Barry. Jitters was a savior for him. Having Iris there made him feel comfortable so he started to spent more time there simply because their tiny dorm room could be so depressing sometimes. Still, it wouldn’t be considered as going out. Barry still spent his whole time at Jitters studying. What else was he supposed to do? And it actually helped a lot. Barry was not a competitive person but he was double majoring and to achieve his dream, becoming a CSI and freeing his father, he must graduate the top of his class. And that wasn’t a far-off dream considering his grades.

Iris mocked him for stressing over midterms despite knowing he would score perfect grades. Barry couldn’t even defend himself when she called him a nerd because he knew every subject like the back of his hand.

If there was another thing Barry hated to admit, it was how excited he was getting just by thinking about his upcoming date with Victor.

This Friday, Victor told him the last time they saw each other. 

And it was already Thursday. 

Barry kept telling himself to calm down. Yes, Victor asked him out but it was still too early to get this excited. They talked only twice. Maybe after tomorrow night, Victor would realize what a boring and annoying person Barry was. He wouldn't be surprised if it actually happened. The only person who never tried to dump his ass after knowing him was Iris. And Barry was grateful. But he wanted something different. Something more special than friendship. And he wanted it with Victor. 

One more night. 

He knew he was supposed to focus on the project. He was going to complete it tonight so he could hand it over tomorrow. 

After that, it would be all about Victor. 

Manuel Lago was a nice guy who was sharing almost every class with Barry. They might not be friends but Manuel was nice enough to acknowledge his existence unlike many others who weren't even aware of his presence most of the time.

When Barry walked into the lab, he wasn't surprised to see Manuel. He also spent a lot of time at the lab, just like Barry himself. Maybe he was lonely, too. Barry thought of befriending him but he didn’t want to cross a line. 

"Hello, Barry." Manuel said politely.

"Hi." Barry took off his coat, hanging it on the back of a chair. "Am I interrupting?"

"No." Manuel shook his head. "Not at all. I am almost done."

A comfortable silence fell upon them, something Barry wasn't used to share with many people. Silence was always awkward to him when other people were involved. He felt like he was supposed to say something, do something to break the silence. That wasn't the case with Manuel. Probably that's why Barry felt more comfortable around him. 

It was only 9 pm but lab was empty. And of course, it was. People usually don't work at lab after 8 pm. Barry always liked to work late at night though. Maybe because lab was empty and he could avoid talking to people. 

Manuel slid the papers into the dark green messenger bag while Barry was rolling up his sleeves.

"Well, I am all done." Manuel said, throwing his bag over his shoulder. "Good night, Barry." Dark-haired boy was too focused on his notes that he barely waved at him but Manuel didn't mind. He knew once Barry was focused on a work, it was hard to get his attention.

He closed the door after himself and walked toward the exit door. He was dying to take a shower and get a good night's sleep. And he was so close to a peaceful night when he heard a loud noise coming from the other side of the hall, where the lab was. He stopped dead in his track and listened carefully. Then he heard a bunch of glass shattering and something hitting the ground loudly and it was the last sign for him to start running.

Barry was used to working late at night with next to no sleep. Unlike most people, he was okay with that and he very rarely complained. So, when he saw the chemicals on the counter start moving, he thought this was the first time he was hallucinating due to lack of sleep. Now he could understand why people complained a lot.

But he wasn't hallucinating. There was something wrong, he could feel it in the air. He took a careful step back and observed. 

When he saw it, it was too late. And of course it was. After all, it was lightning and there was no way anyone could be faster than light to react it. However, it was still unexpected and unusual to see a lightning breaking through a glass, shattering everything on the counter and hitting a human being right in the chest.

Barry felt a surge of energy through his body. Normally when you think of someone getting hit by a lightning, you imagine an intolerable pain. But it was nothing like this. All Barry could feel was that energy circulate through his veins.

Then everything around him slowed down. Barry could swear he saw every dust particle in the air, world never looked more peaceful, more beautiful and scarier. Lightning cackled around him one more time, too slow for Barry to actually acknowledge it. It was nothing like the idea of life flashing before your eyes. It was no illusion.

His back hit the shelves, pain spread through his body and time returned to its normal speed. His body hit the ground like a rag doll, his eyes were half lidden, barely seeing anything. All types of chemicals fell on him, soaking through his shirt and plastering his dark hair to his forehead. For just a brief second, he remembered he was supposed to get a haircut. He barely heard footsteps. 

That was it then. Funny how it was going to end in a lab where Barry always thought his new life would begin.

As he felt lightning running through his body one last time, like exploring new territory, Barry's last thought were formed around sadness of knowing that he failed his father, that the poor man was going to stay in there forever now that there was no one left to care for his freedom. His mother who he was going to see soon. Or he hoped so. Then Victor and how unfortunate it was that he was dying before he could actually go on that date with him. 

Barry heard someone, probably Manuel Lago, screaming for help.

Then he let it go and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Flash Facts!
> 
> 1-) Everything I wrote about Darryl/Henry/Nora is true. Darryl was in love with Nora however nothing happened between them. Nora was an amazing mother, Barry was definitely mama's boy. Henry wasn't very caring until he lost everything. Darryl did his best to help Barry, however they didn't have a father/son relationship.  
> 2-) DCEU Barry doesn't show it yet but his is the most heroic death in comic book history (that's a fact, guys). He was the golden standard for heroes between CoIE and Flashpoint. They all respected and admired him. Not only because of his death but for everything he represented (he was this gentle, loving, caring, optimistic hero they all wanted to be).  
> 3-)"You won't see me on the street, knocking heads with criminals" -Flash Comics (2011) v4 issue 13, Francis Manapul.  
> 4-) Barry grew up reading Golden Age Flash comics (Jay Garrick) that's why he named himself the Flash, to honor his favorite cb character (later he saved Keystone and Jay Garrick and they became friends, Jay letting Barry keep the name etc)  
> 5-) August Heart is actually Barry's friend from CCPD. Unfortunately he becomes Godspeed, another villain of Barry. He tried to kill Thawne because he did actually care about Barry's happiness. But when Barry stopped him (because August killed so many people including kids) he felt betrayed.  
> 6-) CC Jitters appeared during Manapul's run (pre-Flashpoint, not Nu52).  
> 7-) This is a DCEU fic so I used Kiersey as my Iris instead of original red head Iris.  
> 8-) Silver Age Barry was a farm boy when he was a kid lol but Ezra's Barry isn't obviously so... Don't think I am making a mistake  
> 9-) Manuel Lago is another friend of Barry who also became a criminal :/ And he didn't return since new 52? I am mad, he was so cool plus he still thinks his best buddy Barry was killed by his clones :(  
> 10-) Daphe Dean was Barry's childhood sweetheart, when she became an actress, she tried to use Barry for headlines but in the end she fell in love with him again. Later she fell in love with the Flash however she was turned down by both Barry and Flash.  
> 11-) Central City Cougars and Gotham City Wildcats actually exist in DCU (and many other football clubs). I'm a huge football/soccer fan but I literally know nothing about American football oops
> 
> Don't worry, next chapter will mostly focus on Victor. And thanks for reading :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English isn't my first language and there will be grammar mistakes & typos. I am sorry!  
> Don't forget, you can find me on tumblr; lacacciatricescrive.tumblr.com  
> And I owe you a lot, [Rei](https://ishipflashwitheveryone.tumblr.com/)

Darryl Frye's best years were long past. His thin blond hair and the wrinkles on his face that he noticed time to time were a good reminder of that. His pale blue eyes were still watching his surroundings like a hawk though. And that's why he was still a great cop. Aside from his kind heart and passion for justice, of course.

Darryl was already 35 when he decided to take Barry under his roof. He was a sweet little thing, reminding Darryl of Nora with his almond shaped eyes and warm smile. Of course he was worried at the beginning. At 35, he was still single and he didn't know how to take care of a kid let alone a damaged one. But Barry was an easy kid to get along with. He was polite, gentle and shy. First few weeks were strange, both trying to adjust this new living style and getting used to each other's presence. Barry cried at nights, burying his face in the pillow to not to make a noise. Darryl didn't know how to handle his sad little broken heart so he tried to seek help in therapies.

Darryl looked down at the two cups of coffee in his hands and sighed. It was hard to get used to living with another human being after being alone for so long. Now it was harder to get used to living without Barry's presence.

He carefully pushed open the door with his right foot. The boy, young man, didn’t even flinch. Darryl couldn't see his face, he was still sitting on the same spot, facing the bed. 

Victor.

His name was Victor. That's what Iris called him when he first arrived at the hospital. Darryl barely talked to Victor, it was mostly waiting, drinking lots of coffee and talking to doctors. But Darryl liked the kid. He was a nice, polite guy and most importantly, he cared for Barry. It was obvious. Otherwise he wouldn't spend most of his free time sitting on a very uncomfortable cheap plastic hospital chair and watching someone in coma 'sleeping'. 

When Victor noticed his presence in the room, he dropped Barry's hand that he's been holding and stood up.

"Oh, no, please, sit." Darryl said, handing him one of the cups. Victor thanked him quietly and took a sip from cheap instant coffee.

They both stayed quiet for a while after that. The only sound in the room was beep sound coming from the heart rate monitor. It was a typical small hospital room with one big window, old looking curtains and a bed in the middle of the room with two chairs by its sides. Barry looked smaller than he actually was in that bed, under the washed out sheets. It would be easy to believe he was sleeping soundly instead of being in coma if it wasn't for him lying motionlessly and being connected to machines.

It's been a week.

Victor found it hard to believe. 

He could still remember the time Iris called him. 

_He was studying_ _for midterms when his phone buzzed late at night. He wouldn't check his phone during a study_ _ing_ _session normally but for some unknown reason he felt_ _like_ _he should take this call._ _And glad he did._ _He could still remember how air left his lungs when he heard_ _Iris'_ _voice on the other end of the line, crying. Victor's first thought was wondering_ _how_ _Iris found his phone number since they weren't close friends but he got rid of this thought_ _quickly. It didn't matter how she found his number or why she was calling him_ _. She was crying and it was all that mattered._

_"Iris, are you alright?" Victor asked, worry clear in his voice. "Are you hurt?"_

_"Not me." Iris sobbed. "Victor, I am sorry for calling so late at night but—" She took a shaky breath._

_"Don't be ridiculous, Iris. It's not important. Tell me, what's going on? Is there anything I can do for you?"_

_"I am fine." Iris answered after a couple of seconds. Seconds that felt like years to Victor. At least she sounded stronger. She was clearly trying hard to hold back her_ _tears._ _"It's_ _not me."_ _Iris needed another moment before continuing. "It's Barry."_

_"What happened?" Victor tried to sound more in control than he actually felt. If Iris was calling Victor about Barry, it was probably bad. Victor got on his feet without even realizing it and started pacing_ _back and forth_ _. "What happened to Barry?"_

_"Manuel called. The guy from Barry's class." Iris said. "He didn’t know who to call. He knew me so he decided to call me from the hospital."_

_"Hospital?" Victor's hardly kept control was slipping._

_"Barry_ _got_ _struck by lightning, Victor." And it didn't make any sense. What was the possibilit_ _y_ _of this happe_ _ning_ _in real life_ _?_

_"What?" Was all he_ _c_ _ould mutter_ _._

_"He was working at the lab when Manuel heard loud noises_ _coming from there_ _. When he went_ _back_ _to check on Barry, he was lying on the_ _grou_ _n_ _d_ _. He_ _hit_ _the_ _shelves and all the chemicals spilled on him_ _."_ _Iris'_ _voice was shaky. "Manuel called a_ _n_ _a_ _mbulance. Then he called me and I called Darryl. I thought I should_ _let you know so I found your number on Barry's phone."_

_"Where are you right now? At hospital?" Victor ran a shaky hand through his hair._

_"Yes."_

_"Okay, okay. I am coming." He stopped before asking worriedly. "How is he, Iris?"_ _And hearing Iris start sobbing_ _again_ _felt like a punch_ _in the gut_ _._

_"Victor." She_ _tried make her voice clear._ _"He is in coma."_

It didn’t make sense back then. His mind couldn't grasp the idea of Barry, lively, bubbly, sweet Barry, being in a coma. He has never had someone close to him in a coma, that close to death. And just thinking about that was enough to make him shiver now. But back then he felt like he was moving on autopilot. He moved, he grabbed his coat and left his room in a hurry, his mother yelling after him worriedly. He could remember climbing up hospital stairs and seeing Iris. Her tiny arms wrapping around his shoulder as she sobbed. But he could hardly feel anything. He was numb. And confused. What was the chance of something like this happening? 

Now he was just tired. Everything felt too much.

"I need to go to work." Victor's thoughts were interrupted by Darryl's voice. "Do you want me to drop you anywhere, kid?"

"No, I want to stay a bit longer, if it's okay." Darryl smiled at him.

"Of course."

Victor watched him leave. He wasn't sure of Darryl's position in Barry's life. They didn't share the same last name. Maybe they were related but then where were his parents? Their relationship didn't get to the point where they could discuss families and important stuff. Hell, their relationship didn't even get a chance to develop. 

Victor could still remember the first time he noticed Barry. He didn't think much of him back then. He was cute, of course. His messy mop of soft black hair was falling into his gentle brown eyes sometimes, he had high cheekbones and a strong jawline with plump lips. He thought,  _just another very attractive boy with tempting red lips, right?_  But that guy was one of the most beautiful people Victor has ever seen and he didn't understand why he was always sitting alone. Sometimes he talked to the beautiful waitress named Iris and for a while Victor thought she was his girlfriend. Maybe that's why he was spending all his time at Jitters. And he was always reading something, mostly studying. 

So, he started to watch carefully. It didn’t look like they were couples. There was nothing more than friendly smiles and touches. But that might be because she was working here. Still, something made Victor believe they weren't lovers. Then, one day, he told himself to stop being a chicken. He was Victor Stone. Star player of Central City Cougars. He was better than being creepy by sitting in a corner and watching someone for months.

Then he asked. He actually asked to his potential girlfriend and learned that his instincts were right. Iris, the friendly waitress, was only his friend. And her friend was Barry Allen. 

Bartholomew Henry Allen.

The first time they actually talked, Victor was amused. Barry was as cute as he looked. Yes, some of his friends were right about the guy. After all, he only decided to ask Iris when he realized none of his friends actually knew the guy. Only Thomas told him he was a weirdo. And yeah, Barry was kind of awkward and almost always anxious. But Victor didn't mind. He was clearly a nice guy and he was pretty. He was someone Victor didn’t mind spending time with. Or holding hands. Or kissing.

Still, Victor tried to be not too forward. As he noticed, Barry was anxious and he didn’t want to scare him off with a sudden kiss. And it didn't matter. Victor didn't mind because he thought they had time. He was happy with 'slow'. Just holding Barry's hand under bare trees and street lights was enough. 

But then the lightning incident happened and Victor realized they didn't have as much time as he thought. And it was like a punch in the gut. Because you always think you have all the time in world, especially when you are young. And despite everything, you think you and your loved ones are immune to every evil until one day something terrible happens to someone around you and it feels like a slap in the face.  _Wake up, kid, world doesn't revolve around you_. 

At least, Barry still had a chance. He could wake up and Victor could take him to some nice restaurant, they would laugh then Victor would walk him to his dorm. That's when he would kiss Barry. Maybe it would snow and Victor would frame Barry's face with his hands and kiss him on the lips, gently yet passionately. Then he would plant a kiss on the tip of Barry's red nose. He would wrap his arms around Barry's tiny form and pull him close to his chest to protect the shorter boy from the wind. 

Victor barely knew Barry, yes, he was clearly attracted to the other boy but they just met. Still, Victor felt like they could be great together. No, he knew it, deep down. There was something about Barry that made it so easy to imagine a future with him. They are standing top of a building and watching the sunset side by side. 

Victor didn't know how much time passed after Darryl left when Iris walked in. She was very busy due to midterms and working at Jitters. She still made time to see Barry, no matter how tired she was. And she looked so tired. Victor actually felt bad for her.

"Hello, Iris." Young woman smiled at him and took the other chair by Barry's bed side. 

"How is he?" She kept asking, every time, despite knowing nothing changes.

"Same as before. Stable." Victor said with a heavy heart. Iris nodded and they both sat there in silence for a while. Victor's thoughts wandered to all the questions he had in his mind. He didn’t know if asking Iris would be rude but he was dying to know. And it's not like he could ask to someone else. 

"Iris." Victor cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." Iris turned toward him.

"I know it's kind of personal but," he shrugged, "it's not like I can ask Barry." They both looked down at the bed without even realizing it. "Do you know where Barry's parents are?" There was no point of beating around the bush.

"This is very..." Iris looked at her hands undecidedly. "This is a very touchy subject."

"I know. I can imagine but..." He couldn't explain why he needed to know. It wasn't like he could do anything for Barry. 

"Look, Victor," Iris leaned forward to look into his eyes over Barry's bed, "even I don't know that much. Barry hates to talk about it. All I know is, his mother is dead and his father is in jail. Darryl is all Barry has."

"His father is jail?" Victor frowned. So that's why Barry was living with Darryl. "Since when?"

"Since Barry was 9."

"What?" Victor felt like he broke a rule by raising his voice even though there was no way Barry would wake up from this. He still felt like he should keep his voice down in this room. "What could he possibly do to deserve such a long sentence?" Iris looked at him with a weird expression. 

"For killing his wife." Victor probably looked like someone punched him because Iris' expression softened immediately. "Barry doesn't believe it." She explained. "He keeps saying his father is innocent. But Darryl doesn't believe him. He thinks Barry wants his father to be innocent that's why he believes him so much. More like, he made himself believe to it. After what he saw... I don't blame him."

"What did he see?" Victor was feeling sick. What he was hearing was nothing like he expected. Indifferent parents. Or both died in an accident or something. Nothing like this.

"He is the one who found the body. His mother's, I mean. He was 9 and he found his mother's bloody dead body in the kitchen. I mean, I know Barry can be really awkward sometimes and he talks too much and he is nervous all the time but... I hate it when people avoid him or make fun of him for that. He doesn't deserve this. After everything he's been through, you can't expect him to be perfectly fine. He is doing better than most people would."

"I am sorry, I—"

"No." Iris raised her hand to silence him. "I am sorry. I just—I hate when people treat Barry like he is nothing. He is a good person who went through something terrible."

"So, his father is in Iron Height?" Victor tried to change the subject because Iris looked like she could start crying any second. 

"Yes."

"That must be really hard. You know, he is there and his son..." Iris looked at him worriedly.

"I don't think he knows."

"He doesn't know what happened to his son?" Victor found it so hard to believe.

"Darryl doesn't like Henry. I don't think he would go to talk to him."

"Iris, he's Barry's father. No matter what, he deserves to know. Especially if Barry believes his father's innocence."

"I know." Iris added quickly. "I agree. But I didn't have time to go to Iron Heights. I wanted to but—"

"Do you think it would be okay for me to go?" Iris looked at him with wide eyes. 

"You would?"

"Of course. It sounds like it's really important to Barry." A small smile appeared on Iris' face.

"Thank you, Victor." Iris said. "Barry is a lucky guy." Is. He is. Not 'was'. Victor smiled at her.

"I am the lucky one."

Victor squirmed on the plastic chair uncomfortably. This wasn't how you were supposed to meet the parents of the guy like. And how were you supposed to tell them that their son was in coma? That they can't see him when he needed his father the most because he's in jail? Victor wasn't ready for this however he wanted to. For Barry. For Henry. He didn’t know anything about the case and he's never met Henry himself but Barry clearly loved his father so much that he spent all his life believing him, working his ass off to prove his innocence. And if it was so important to Barry, then Victor thought Henry deserved to know. Barry would want him to. 

When door opened, Victor saw a good looking middle aged man. He was shorter than Barry but more muscular. Victor noticed some similarities between them. Henry Allen supported some wrinkles that were the result of spending long years in a cell. But he was still handsome and charismatic.

Older man stopped dead on his track when he noticed Victor, frowning deeply. It was expected. Henry didn't know Victor and he probably thought it was his son coming to visit him like Iris told him Barry always did. 

Guard pushed Henry toward the chair, not so roughly. Henry sat down and reached for the phone. Victor who wasn't used to this kind of things followed his suit. 

"Hello?" Henry didn’t sound mean yet he was clearly confused.

"Hello, Mr. Allen." Victor cleared his throat. "I am Victor Stone. Friend of Barry." Henry face lightened up with recognition.

"Oh, you are the football player?" So Barry did tell his father about Vic. He couldn't help the warmth spreading in his chest, only to turn ice cold when he remembered their current situation. Where Barry was and why Victor was here.

"Yes, that's me."

"I am sorry." Henry said, leaning a bit forward toward the glass separating them. "I am not trying to be rude but why are you here, kid?" Victor bit his lower lip. How do you tell this without making it worse? Henry probably noticed the distressed expression on his face. "Is this about Barry? Is he okay?"

"Mr. Allen, I—" Henry's hand slammed against the glass loudly. Guard yelled at Henry to keep it quiet but Henry didn't look like aware of others' existence. His wide eyes were focused on Victor and Victor only.

"What happened to my son?" His face softened when he saw Victor's shaken expression, his hand dropped slowly, eyes growing sadder. "Please, tell me."

"There was an—He was working at the lab, late at night. Then, umm, he got struck by lightning." Henry looked at him with a blank expression.

"What?" Victor stroked the back of his neck with his other hand nervously.

"Nobody knows how it happened. Lightning ruined everything in the lab and hit Barry. That's what police and doctors said." Henry groaned and rubbed his eyes with his right hand.

"How is he now?" Victor didn't answer for a second, took his time to recover his voice.

"He's been in coma for a week." He said slowly. Henry looked up at him, eyes widened with the newfound information.

"What?"

"First few days were... Bad. His heart kept stopping. At least that's what they thought. Later doctor said it might be his heart beating faster than heart rate machine could pick up." He quickly added. "But he is stable now. And his wounds are healing."

Henry didn’t say anything and Victor wondered if he should have kept the details to himself. Henry didn’t need to know how many times his son almost died. But then older man looked at him with teary eyes and Victor felt like someone punched him in the guts. It was hard to see a father, no matter what his position was, in so much pain. Victor couldn't help but thought of his own father. Henry clearly cared for his son. And Victor didn't know how to feel about this. Here, this man, dying to hug his son who was only allowed to see him through a dirt glass for years, rejected and insulted by society for a crime Barry could swear he didn't commit and then there was his father who everyone respected yet wouldn't spare a second glance to him or his wife.

"This is not fair." Henry's voice wasn't higher than a whisper. "This is not fair."

"Mr. Allen—"

"Barry suffered enough." Henry said shakily. "Lighting? How can someone be so... so unlucky?! He deserves so much better. Oh, God." Henry buried his face in his right hand, shoulders shaking silently. 

"Time is up, Allen." Sam the guard said. Henry looked over his shoulder and nodded. Sam didn't say anything back, probably noticing his teary eyes. 

"Thank you." Henry said when he looked at Victor again. "Thanks for coming here and letting me know."

"Of course."

"And thanks for being Barry's friend." Henry tried to smile. "He really needed one. Iris is a great girl but... he needs someone like you in his life. So, thank you. It means a lot."

"It's my pleasure. Your son is a great person."

"He sure is." Henry nodded slowly. After that, Victor promised to let Henry know if there's any change in Barry condition. Henry thanked him once again and Victor watched guards take Henry back to his cell with a heavy heart. 

A Month After the Incident

Darryl's slightly wrinkled hands grasped his hat tighter as he stood in front of Barry's bed awkwardly and shifted his weight from one leg to the other. Despite Barry being in coma, nurses told him he could still talk to the boy. It might be helpful, they assured him. Darryl couldn't find it in himself to talk to Barry before. It felt so awkward and wrong to him. Barry was right here and Darryl couldn't reach him, he couldn't defeat his nightmares and it reminded him of Barry's childhood so much. He didn't know how to help that poor little kid back then, he still didn’t know.

"Hello, Barry." Darryl cleared his throat awkwardly. "I am sorry, I didn't try this before. I guess I—I guess I wasn't ready."

Of course, he received no answer. Darryl sighed as he felt like an idiot.

"You managed to amaze your doctors." The smile that appeared on his face felt too awkward. "They couldn't believe how fast your wounds healed. Physically, you are in a great form. All your injuries and burns are healed perfectly. They said you can wake up any time now. So... don't keep us waiting too long, okay?"

Darryl ran a hand through his hair and tried to smile again.

"But I brought good news. Guess who is the new captain of Central City Police Department? Yes. I got it! Can you believe that, Barr?" His left hand reached for the badge and took it off carefully, his feet carried him to the left side of Barry's bed and he sat down. He leaned forward to grab Barry's hand and placed the shiny badge in his cold palm. He looked down at their hands then, smile disappearing slowly. His shaky hand didn't let go of Barry's, fingers covering the young man's. 

"Please, Barry." Darryl's voice wavered as he looked at Barry's closed eyes. "Don't do this to me. I can't—I can't do this again. I can't go through this one more time. I know, we didn't have a father son relationship because despite what he did, I know how much you love your father. And I never wanted you to think that I wanted to take his place. But I always loved you. I am sorry, I have been so bad at showing it." Darryl's eyes were shining with unshed tears, threatening to fall any second. "I miss her so much. And I can't lose you, too."

When Darryl let go of Barry's hand, his finger fell open. And Darryl buried his face in his hands, sobbing silently. 

The moment he walked into Jitters, he knew something was different. All his friends turned to look at him. When Alex texted him during a lecture and invited him to Jitters, he wanted to decline. He wanted to go to hospital before going back to home and finally sleep. But it's been so long. Since he spent time with his friends. He was always busy. Lectures, studying, hospital... He felt bad. So, he said yes. But after seeing the way they looked at him, he knew something was coming and he didn’t like it. 

"Hi, Vic! Glad to see you again... after a very long time." Thomas said as Alex gave him death glares. Victor's eyes moved around, suspiciously eyeing his 5 close friends.

"Hi." He said simply and took a seat. He looked over his shoulder but he saw Linda instead of Iris. Today was probably her day off. 

"How are you, man?" Alex's smile looked a bit forced. Victor knew him good enough to know that it was one of his awkward smiles. One he showed when he didn't know how to approach a subject. Or when he was talking to a professor.

"I am good, what about you?" Victor decided to play dumb, wait for them to come instead of giving them an easy way.

"Good, man. But we missed you." Oh, so that was about it.

"Yeah, I am a bit busy lately."

"We know. You liked playing the nurse, huh?" If they weren't friends, Victor would erase the stupid smile on Thomas' face with a punch. 

"Dude!" Robert elbowed Thomas who groaned and whispered 'what did I say?!'

"What are you guys trying to say?" Victor leaned forward which caused Thomas to shift uncomfortably. 

"Look, Victor—" Alex tried to explain but Victor was quick to silence him.

"No, be clear, please. No more games." Alex sighed and looked right into Victor's eyes.

"We are worried about you." Victor didn’t say anything, he just looked at Alex, waiting for him to explain. "Look, man, we are sorry about what happened to your friend. I know it's hard but...."

"But what?" Victor raised his eyebrows challengingly. Like he dared Alex to continue. Which he didn't. Robert did.

"You spend most of time at hospital. You are quiet and you keep missing trainings. Don't do this to yourself." He said, looking dead serious. And normally, Victor would appreciate it. His friends were looking out for him. But he wasn't having a great day. Or week. Or month. And his friends played a silly, childish game to get him here. Still, he wasn't mad at them until Thomas opened his stupid mouth.

"You can't die with him." Then there was a complete silence in the table. Victor could barely hear other people talking in the background. Vic clenched his hands into fists on his lap. Alex looked between them worriedly. And Thomas was probably feeling bad already. He wasn't a bad guy. He just talks a lot without thinking. They all knew he was a nice guy at heart so they ignored his silly talking. But not today. Victor had no patience. 

"He is not fucking dead." He hissed between his tightly closed teeth. Thomas looked at him uncomfortably and opened his mouth to make it worse. 

"You barely knew the guy." Robert literally facepalmed next to him. Alex looked like he was afraid Victor would try to hit their friend. But Victor swallowed down his anger and stood up. 

"And you clearly don't know me at all if you think I will give up on a... friend."

They all watched him storming out with a pitying expression. 

Home wasn't any better. Their happy little family was nothing more than an illusion. Silas Stone wasn’t more than an illusion in their life. Victor hated it when he met his father's friends from work and they all had nothing but respect and love for him. It made him feel unworthy. His father had time to be nice and friendly to so many people except his own son. 

"Oh, Victor, I didn't know you were at home." Silas said when he saw Victor walking into the kitchen. Victor glared at him behind his back and dropped his backpack to floor. He opened the fridge to get himself a fruity soda as Silas filled a glass of wine for himself. "So, how is school going?"

Victor just laughed bitterly. 

"What?" Silas turned to him with a surprised expression on his face, like, he didn't even know what was the big deal. Like they actually have a healthy father-son relationship.

"Nothing. It's just... Do you even know what I am studying?" Silas sighed and rubbed his forehead with his right hand.

"Victor, this again? Look, I—" Victor shook his head annoyedly.

"No, you just—You can't—I don't want to talk right now." For the second time that day, he stormed out of the room. 

Victor put on his headphones to avoid his mother and father's voices. He didn't feel like listening their pretentious conversations nor argues. He was lying down on the bed, eyes focused on the ceiling. There used to be glow-in-the-dark stickers. He had the entire Solar System on his ceiling, keeping him company at nights. His mother bought them for him when he was 12 and was obsessed with Astronomy. He would talk about planets, blackholes, pulsars and wormholes day and night. His mother has always been a very patient woman. She would listen him carefully as Victor told her how much he liked Hubble when she drove them to supermarket. She allowed him to name their cat 'Kepler'. She even allowed him to buy more books about Giordano Bruno. This was probably the first time Victor showed a sign of being passionate about something. 

Victor didn’t think father ever noticed. 

His mother would lie down with him sometimes, late at night. His father would be working late and she would tell him stories as they both lied down on his tiny bed, looking at the ceiling and admiring the glowing stars. His mother's favorite, like many other people's, was Saturn. She didn’t know much about planets and Solar System but she admired Saturn. It wasn't Victor's favorite. 

He liked Uranus. 

Uranus rotates in a retrograde direction and the axis of Uranus’ rotation is tilted 99 degrees which means it's rotating on its side. It has a weird looking moon called Miranda (named after Shakespeare character) and unlike what most people believed, Uranus also has rings. 

It was a weird planet. And that's probably why Victor loved it. People often made fun of that planet (mostly because of its name) but Victor was fascinated. It was so different and nothing like he's ever see before. From a young age, Victor always loved the different ones. Like they were detached from life for all the right reasons. 

Then when they decided to move to Central City, his father tossed them out like they meant nothing.

It took some time to understand why this bothered him so much. They were cheap plastic stars. And he was too old for things like that.

Then he realized. 

He was upset because his father threw them away like they meant nothing. And probably, they didn't mean anything to his father. Something that was a big part of him and his childhood. 

Victor swallowed down the hurt and tried to never think about stars again. 

"How are you, kid?" Henry looked tired, worse than a week ago when Victor visited him again. He didn't tell Iris he was still seeing Dr. Allen. He didn’t tell anyone. They wouldn't understand or support his decision. But something about this man being locked up in here while his son was in hospital made Victor feel sick. He knew he couldn't help Henry. But he could come here and talk to him about his son. And when Victor told him a funny story he heard from Iris, the way Henry's eyes shined with love, longing and pride.... Victor was happy to be there. He was happy to know there was something he could do for Henry. Vic didn't know what to believe. People were calling Henry Allen a murderer. But Barry believed his father. And looking at him, Henry didn’t look like a murderer. Also, those people who were so quick to call a man murderer did very little to help the real victim, his son. They overlooked him and focused on punishing Henry. 

"I am fine, sir, you?" Henry looked at him disappointedly.

"I told you to stop calling me 'sir'." That made Victor smile.

"Sorry."

"As much as I like your company, son, you shouldn't keep coming here." Henry said in a sad manner. "It is not good for you. You look tired."

"No, really, trust me. I feel better when I come here." He was a bit ashamed to admit but it was true. He felt like Henry understood. Henry looked at him like he mattered, like he was important. And deep down, Victor found something in Henry that made him feel warm inside. It was stupid and so embarrassing to admit but Henry looked at him with warmth and kindness that his own father never showed. His eyes were always stone cold. But Henry's eyes were showing so many emotions. Sadness, love, hurt, kindness... 

It took some time to get used to. When Victor first realized this, he felt guilty. Like, Barry was in hospital and here Victor was stealing his father, claiming him. Yes, it was stupid but he couldn't help it. 

And Henry always asked. Not only about Barry but Victor, too. It was refreshingly new to him. Henry asked him about school, football and life in general. Maybe that's why he felt guilty. That's what a father was supposed to do. This is what Victor always imagined and longed for.  

"Thanks for doing this." Henry interrupted his thoughts. "I know I can't repay you but—"

"Please." Victor said firmly. "You don't need to. I am doing this because I want to." Henry looked at him in a way that made Victor feel so young and small.

"Thank you."

Victor had to remind himself that Henry wasn't his father.  

2 Months After the Incident

Victor took a sip from his coffee and turned the page of his newspaper. Things have been crazy lately. It seemed like the entire world lost their interest in anything other than Superman's death and Batman's absence. Then there was this mysterious woman. Victor didn’t like to think much about aliens and men dressed up to beat criminals. That was one thing he didn't like about Gotham and he was glad when his father was transferred to Central City's Star Labs. He and his crew were working on something big but Victor couldn't care less about it. After all, his father showed very little interest in what Victor did. Why would he care for his father's work?

"Good morning, Vic." Elinore Stone walked into the kitchen, wearing a perfectly ironed dark grey two-piece suit with white shirt. Not a single hair was out of place. Her diamond earrings were shining under the morning sun coming through the window.

"Morning, mom." She filled dark red mug with black coffee and leaned against the counter.

"What are your plans for today?" Victor shrugged.

"School. Then hospital. And maybe I will go to the match." After skipping so many training, coach was punishing him by cutting him from the team for a while. Unlike before, he didn’t mind it. If it was 2 months ago, he would be losing sleep over it. Funny how easily things can change.

"Okay." She took a sip from her coffee. "I will drive you home after the game."

"You know I can—"

"I want to." She said firmly. " We barely spend any time these days." And that was enough to make Victor smile.

"Thank you." 

He loved his mother. She was everything to him. And that was why. Unlike his father, she actually cared for him. So, Victor couldn't tell her he wanted to be alone. Elinore nodded, smiling gladly. 

It was worth to see her smile. 

When Victor arrived to the hospital, the room was empty. It wasn't a big surprise though. Both Iris and Darryl were pretty busy people. And Barry didn't have anyone else. He sat down and reached for his bag. During his time at hospital, he tried many things. He talked to Barry, he read newspapers and mentioned daily things. Even football and he knew Barry didn’t care about football. 

Then Iris gave him some books and comics. 

Science books and Flash comics.

So, Victor started to read him them. He didn't understand the half of the books and reading comics to someone else was awkward. But he still kept reading. It felt like he found a connection. Those were Barry's passions and hobbies.

He remembered doing the same for Sarah when they were little kids. Sarah was 2 years younger than him and she was the daughter of his father's friend. She would beg him to read her books and magazines. And Victor pretended like it was annoying, he would mock her for being so little and not being able to read herself. But then they would sit down on the floor of his room and Victor would read. Between paragraphs, he would look at her behind the cover and seeing her wide, shiny eyes was enough to make him keep going. He loved how she always looked at him like he was a magician for being able to read. It didn't make sense. Everyone around them were old enough to read. But she always came to him. And it made him feel important. It gave him a purpose.

Victor closed the book with a sigh. 

He missed Sarah. He missed Barry. 

He wanted to learn his interests from Barry himself, not Iris. He wanted to see Barry blush when he called him a nerd jokingly. He wanted to go to a comic book store with Barry. 

He wanted so many things. And he wanted them with Barry. 

"Please." Victor whispered, looking at Barry. His hair was getting longer and Victor didn't dare to cut it when Darryl mentioned. He liked it. Also, it felt like a disrespect. You can't cut someone else's hair without asking them, right? Even though there was no way they could ask Barry. "Please, wake up."

Victor actually waited for Barry to open his eyes for a moment. Isn't this how things work in movies?

But Barry kept sleeping and Victor rubbed his eyes tiredly.

He felt trapped, hurt and tired.

It had to end at some point... right? 

Victor actually decided to go to the match. Not because he cared. He crossed that line long time ago. But it was what was expected of him. He was supposed to act normal. He was supposed to train, play football, study for his exams, hang out with friends and all normal things that people at his age did. And he didn’t have anything better to do. Going to home was definitely worse.

His friends looked at him with pity clear on their faces but Victor didn't care. He saluted them all and sat next to some random girl on the stands. He didn't care he wasn't on the team. He didn’t watch the match either. He tried to cheer with everyone else, stood up when they did. He copied others without actually paying attention to anything. 

And Victor wondered if this is what it feels like to be detached from life. 

"How was the game?" Elinore was leaning against her expensive black Mercedes, looking as sharp and gorgeous as ever. Her full lips were curved up at the sides, smiling at her son. Victor shrugged.

"It was okay, I guess." Elinore's smile faded slowly. She stood straight with a sigh and walked to driver's side of the car.

"Get in." Victor didn't answer as he opened the door and sat down on the leather seat, dropping his backpack at his feet. Elinore got in and started the car. She looked at her son from the side of her eyes. She was dying to ask him, she wanted to know more. Victor was clearly going through a hard time and he was so terribly quiet. She wished he would talk to her. But Victor didn't show any sign of it.

"So," Elinore said, "how is that friend of yours?"

"Which one?" Victor asked engrossedly. He leaned against the cold window and watched the city lights.

"You know, the one in coma." Victor's shoulders stiffed. He knew his mother meant well but he was tired of people asking him about Barry. They didn’t actually care about Barry. They weren't asking because they cared if he's doing okay or not. They were asking because they were tired of watching Victor focus on something, someone, else other than football and his friends for once. 

"Stable." He said simply. It wasn't his mother's fault and he should have been more open and friendly. But he was tired. God, he was so tired. He always knew, of course he did. He was not an ignorant boy. But he never really saw how cruel and unfair life could be. Since the day he met Henry Allen and saw him crying, not for himself but for his son's poor luck in life, nothing was the same for him. He couldn't stop thinking about that poor man. He couldn't stop thinking about a much younger Barry crying himself to sleep because he missed his mother and his father so much. And he felt sick and scared when he thought his own father and felt nothing. Thinking about his death didn’t make Victor feel anything. And it just added more guilt to everything he was feeling.

"I am really sorry, Victor." Elinore said and it was clear from the tone of her voice that she really was. But she was sorry for Victor. She was sorry because her son was sad. The small number of people who were actually sorry for Barry Allen and what happened to him bothered Victor for some reason. Barry didn't have a big family, he didn't have anyone after his mother's death. He didn't have many friends either. Yet, Victor felt like more people should have cared. There was this young man, battling for his life, a life full of hope and promises was slipping between his fingers like sand each passing day and it meant nothing to people. Life was strange and it was a well known concept but Victor was feeling it for the first time. It was harder than to read it on a book or paper. 

Our lives meant very little.

Victor was so lost in his own thoughts that when he heard his mother's scream, it was already too late. 

That night, someone accessed the Red Room without the knowledge of the rest of the crew.

_It was a strange feeling._

_He wasn't sleeping but he wasn't awake either._

_He felt trapped. His body was_ _immobilized yet he could feel his blood boiling with a strange power trying to burst out. Like his body was a useless shell and it, that power, was trying to save him from it by_ _breaking through._

_Let it go._

_How could his mind work so fast and so much while his body_ _was_ _so still?_

_His hands clenched in the sheets._

_It was working under his skin._

_Electricity surged through him._

_His body_ _writhed on the sheets. Not from pain but the power, the electricity._

_Blue-white lightning cracked around the room_ _and all_ _the_ _electronic devices shut down._

_Heart monitor stopped working._

_And Barry Allen's eyes snapped open._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darryl's speech after becoming the head of CCPD and the last part were inspired (actually taken lol) by Flash #0 (2011) by Francis Manapul  
> Victor and Silas don't have a good relationship in comics, they were supposed to show this in movie but those scenes were cut. He is not abusive or an asshole but he didn't pay any attention to his son  
> Sarah Simms is real (in comics, I mean lol)  
> Sorry if astronomy part was boring or felt random, I am obsessed with it (even have a Solar System tattoo) and I felt like mentioning those little moments would add more personality 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit drunk so... yeah, I hope you don't mind my terrible grammar and typos.
> 
> Happy New Year!! Find me @lanthimo on tumblr

The big, cozy house with 2 floors, butterscotch colored walls and wide windows has always belonged to Darryl Frye's family. He grew up between those walls. It was a big house for 3 people but Darryl has never felt cold or lonely in it. Even after his parents' death, there was a presence in the house that made it all feel lovely, warm and welcoming. Then Barry came to his life and it was even better. To wake up to some high school boy running around the house because he is always late to school and mildly cursing under his breath could be annoying to so many people but it was comforting for Darryl. It was good to know he wasn't alone, that he doesn't have to be alone.

After graduating from high school, Barry wanted to live in the dorms because it was closer to the CCU and Barry was excited to feel this sort of freedom. Darryl didn't mind. House started to feel a bit too big after Barry left but it was still home and he knew Barry would always be around.

Now watching him walk into the kitchen in sweatpants, an old band t-shirt and messy shoulder length hair with dark circles eyes under his eyes felt... wrong.  It wasn't supposed to be like that. 

Darryl took a sip from his now lukewarm coffee and watched Barry's every movement behind his mug. Younger man went directly to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and drank half of it at one go. Darryl didn’t know how to approach Barry. It's been 6 months since Barry woke up. It was a strange night, felt bizarre. Darryl was about to leave his office when he heard the car crash and got a phone call from the hospital 5 minutes later. 

_Barry was acting normal, too normal to be considered as 'normal' after waking up from a 2 months long coma._ _And Darryl felt cold, miserable and old when he thought of the car_ _crash_ _._ _How was he supposed to tell Barry that his friend Victor was dead?_

_Darryl couldn't._

_He couldn't tell him that Victor died the same night Barry woke up from coma._ _Not after everything Barry's been through._ _But the thing is, it was always h_ _ard to_ _h_ _ide something from Barry._ _He was a smart kid and he wouldn’t give up until he found the answers._

_The first time Barry asked him about Victor, it's been only a couple of hours after he woke up from the coma. Darryl barely got a chance to hug him and then doctors pulled him away from the elder as they checked Barry's vitals and everything. He was like a miracle. Not only did he survive a lightning strike but he also healed in a record time._

_Darryl_ _couldn_ _'t say anything back then. And he was kind of grateful to the doctors for interrupting them. Later that night, doctors told him_ _Barry could leave in the morning since he was_ miraculously _okay._ _Barry joked about being still tired after a 2 months long coma and went back to sleep shortly after. Darryl spent the night_ _on_ _one of the chairs he became_ _so_ _familiar with after 2 months. He couldn't catch any sleep, of course._ _His eyes didn't leave Barry's sleeping figure. It was silly maybe but he felt like if Barry sleeps long enough, he gets deep, he wouldn't wake up again. It took him 2 weeks to stop_ _tiptoeing_ _in his room and watching Barry sleep like a creep after making sure he fell asleep._

_The next time Barry asked, it was impossible to avoid the question._

_So, Darryl told him. There was an accident, he said, I am sorry, he muttered._

_It felt so much like the last time they had this talk. About death and loss._

_And Barry, that poor boy, didn't say anything. He was standing in the middle of Frye House's living room since this was where he was living again. After_ _light_ _ning_ _incident, Darryl cleared Barry's dorm room with a heavy heart since no one knew what was going to happen to the boy. When would he_ _wake_ _up? Would he_ _ever_ _wake up? But here he was, Barry, standing there in sweatpants and an old_ _Ramones t-shirt. His long hair was falling in front of his eyes, making it harder to see his expression and Darryl felt like choking._

_It was all so wrong._

_When Barry finally moved, he didn't come closer to Darryl or left to room. He turned his back to older man and walked to cabinet where Darryl was keeping old photos and_ _souvenirs._

_"Barry." Darryl felt a cold hand_ _s_ _queezing_ _his heart, his throat tightened and his name felt so_ _s_ _imil_ _ar_ _yet so wrong on his tongue._ _The way he muttered Barry's name reminded him of the little boy standing on his childhood hou_ _s_ _e_ _'_ _patio,_ _an officer's jacket dropped over his tiny shoulders. His wet soft brown eyes looked up at him with too much emotions for_ _9 years_ _old boy_ _that Darryl felt like someone punched him._ _He choked on his name just like he did now because he didn't know how to approach this broken soul. He still didn't know._

_"I don't understand." Barry ran a shaky hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes_ _._ _His voice was hoarse yet clear and loud enough for Darryl to understand him. "I have been there before, I have done this before."_

_Darryl's breath hitched as he realized what Barry was talking about. It wasn’t the first time Barry came face to face with death. It wasn't the first time someone he cared and loved died. And Darryl couldn’t believe his fate as he watched the young man in front of him. It wasn't fair._

_"Why does it still hurt the same?" Barry muttered softly, his left hand's fingers softly tracing the edge of frame of his mother's photo._ _"I was supposed to be used it by now."_

_"It doesn't work like that, son." Barry finally turned toward him, red eyes shining bright with unshed tears._

_"_ _This is all just so stupid. None of this makes sense."_

_"No." Darryl agreed quietly. "_ _No,_ _it doesn't."_

And here they were, in the kitchen of the same house, so close yet so far from each other.

"Do you have any plans for today?" Darryl asked. The answer was always 'no'. Yet Darryl kept asking. Every morning.

"Actually," Barry said, reaching for the milk, "yes. I have." Darryl's eyebrows lifted immediately. He was asking but he stopped hoping a long time ago.

"Really? That's great, Barry. Are you going to see Iris? Or are you going to the university to talk to them about continuing your education?" Barry filled a bowl with Cheerios and milk. 

"Actually, I am going to see my father." Oh.

"That's good." Darryl said as he carefully gulped down his coffee. "He was worried about you."

"How do you know?" Barry asked quietly. "Did you go to see him when I was in coma?"  Darryl felt a pang of guilty as he watched Barry's back and messy hair move in his kitchen.

"No, I—He is your father, of course he is worried." Barry's hand stilled for a second before reaching for a spoon.

"Yeah." Was all he muttered before leaving the room with a bowl in his hand. 

Darryl poured the rest of his coffee in the sink and watched the dark liquid disappear in the sink hole with a heavy heart.

No one could question Barry's love for his father. After all, he dedicated his entire life to save this one man who was hated by everyone else. He believed in his innocence when no one else did. He kept his last name when people pushed him around and insulted him for being a murderer's son. But he didn't have this false image of his father. He could simply remember how his father walked around the house, always in a hurry, always so busy and barely patted his head. Barry could still remember how he wanted to show his little spelling bee trophy to his father but he was only interested in talking to his mother and argue with her about divorce papers. Dr. Henry Allen was an important man who was usually too busy to show affection to his son but he wasn't a bad father. Sometimes he would come home early and if he wasn’t too tired, he would tell Barry funny stories about his childhood and give him a goodnight kiss.

After his mother's death, Barry still looked at the door of Darryl's guest room and hoped that his father would come and apologize for being too late before giving him a goodnight's kiss and promise that everything will be better soon.

That, of course, never happened.

And there was this thing between them. They both loved each other. There was no doubt. But being in jail and barely seeing your son as he grows up was hard. They didn't get a chance to have a normal father-son relationship. Barry did most of those special father-son things with Darryl and Henry tried to hide his jealousy. And then there were times when both felt like strangers. During some depressing times, Barry thought maybe he was forcing too hard to have a relationship with his father. Maybe that tie he was trying to save for years was actually broken long time ago. 

But then he comes to Iron Heights, lifts his head as his father walks into the room and his heart starts beating faster and his eyes burn with tears and all he want to do is break the stupid glass between them and hug his father. Just like today.

It's been a very long time. Especially longer for Henry since Barry was in coma most of the time. And after he woke up, he visited his father only once to tell him he is fine and that he shouldn't worry about Barry. Now he felt terrible about not visiting his father but he wasn't ready to face him after everything he's been through lately. And then Iris told him about Victor visiting Henry and... Barry couldn't come here. 

"Hello, dad." He mumbles, eyes casted down with a sudden surge of shame for leaving his father alone for a long time.

"Hi, Barry. It's good to see you again."

"I am sorry, I couldn't come before, I—" 

"It's okay." His father interrupted. "I know what happened. Barry, I am... I am so sorry. I didn't know before but—"

"It's okay." Barry said forcefully. "I am okay."

"You look different." The older man said gravely. He was looking at Barry like he was afraid younger one would run away any second if he's not being careful enough. This made Barry feel like a cornered animal. 

His left hand went to his head unconsciously, fingertips softly touching his dark shoulder length hair, tied back into a messy ponytail. That's what he was. A mess. His hair was longer now and Barry was way too lost, way too confused and depressed to take his time and cut them. There were dark circles under his eyes. He was way too scared to sleep at nights. Every time he saw a piece on meta-humans or Superman, his heart would start beating faster, he would lie down on the bed, covering his body with blanket like it's a shield, eyes glued to the wall. His old clothes felt too strange, too uncomfortable, too different on his changed body. 

Because it's what happened to him.

He's changed. 

In which way, Barry couldn't tell. 

Was it his personality? Was it only his appearance? Was it that new power bubbling inside of him? 

"I am fine, dad." Barry promised. "It's just a new hair, you know. Iris says I look like a hippie but I don't mind. I think I can rock this style, too." Barry joked weakly. A small smile appeared on Henry's lips.

"You look good, Barry. You are your mother's handsome boy." Barry tried to smile but what appeared on his face was far from classic Barry Allen smiles. He had something else in his mind, actually. He was dying to ask for a while but he didn’t know how to and it took him so long to finally come here. He sifted on the chair uncomfortably and looked his father in the eye. He was one of the rare people Barry didn’t run his eyes away from. 

"I—I actually want to ask something." Henry nodded for him to continue. "I heard that, umm, Victor was coming here when I was in coma." He forced the words out of his mouth and once they left and hung between them, Barry felt lighter. He was keeping this in for a while now. 

Henry's face softened.

"Yeah." He confirmed what Iris mentioned. "He came here 4 or 5 times." Barry frowned, he didn't know Victor came here that often. He only heard that Victor came to inform his father because Iris was too busy and Darryl wasn't ready to face Henry after all these years. 

"And, umm, what did you talk about?"

"Mostly about you." Henry said, smiling softly. "I might or might not tell him some of your embarrassing childhood memories. Then we talked about him a bit. I would like to know the young man who kept my son company and spent his days by your bed when you were in coma."

"I guess, at this point, you know him better than I ever did." Barry knew he was not being rational and maybe he was a bit selfish. But he could feel guilty later. At that moment, all he felt was jealousy. He was jealous of his own father. How stupid. But he wanted to be the one to hear those stories firsthand, not through a stupid phone pressed hard against his ear to hear his father's hoarse voice better and not to miss a word. He wanted to be there when his father met Victor. He wanted to introduce them, he wanted to tell his father how they met, he wanted to see his father's reaction when he saw how polite, how gorgeous and smart Victor was.

Barry's hands rolled into fists under the table.

"He was... he was a really sweet, gentle, nice kid. It is very unfortunate what happened to him." His father's voice was matching Barry's mood.

"Yeah." Barry mumbled, looking down to run his eyes away. For some reason, he found it hard to look into his father's eyes now. "He was."

2 days later, Darryl came back with 'good news', according to him. Barry listened Darryl's long speech about how he handled everything and Barry can start classes next month, September, and he could live in the same dorm room with August since no one tried to stay with the other boy until now with a blank expression on his face and nodded politely. He tried to look as excited as Darryl felt but if he failed, Darryl didn't show his disappointment. He was an amazing man like that. After all these years, he was still dealing with Barry's issues with patience and care that no one ever showed to Barry since his mother's death. A part of Barry that wasn't used to people taking care of him wondered if Darryl was trying to get rid of him by finding a place for him to leave but he felt terrible immediately for thinking this way. Darryl always looked so happy when Barry spent more time in the house. Darryl was trying to give him space and he wanted things to go back to normal, thinking this would help Barry to get on his feet again. 

Barry didn’t believe that moving back to his dorm room or going back to classes will solve all of his problems. It won't fill this empty hole in his chest, eating him from the inside. It definitely won't help him to make sense of his new powers. He was yet to test them. Way too afraid to get caught using those powers. After waking up from the coma and reading about what happened to Superman, finding out that he himself had powers was scary. Sometimes, when they were having dinner, he looked at Darryl behind his long locks and wondered how would this affect Darryl's life. He didn't want to cause the old man any more trouble. 

Barry was lost, he felt like he was 9 again, lying down on the bed of Darryl's guest room and wondering where he will go next, what is going to happen to him? Back then, he felt like Darryl would be there to solve all his problems, sure, he wouldn't tell anything about bullies back at school or how his heart ached every time he saw his father treated like a dirt under their shoes by guards. These weren't something Darryl could solve. But he wouldn't let Barry fall. He knew that deep down.

Now, he felt like he was falling non-stop and there was no one to catch him.

Barry knew it was Iris even before he opened the door. He knew Darryl would call her and Iris would come no matter how busy she was. That's exactly why he didn't want to call her when he decided to move back to his dorm room. He didn't talk to August yet but he knew the other boy wouldn't mind. 

"Hello, Barry!" Iris wrapped her arms around Barry's neck as soon as he opened the door. He hugged her back and closed his eyes, enjoying a moment of peace. 

"Hi, Iris." He pulled back and looked at her familiar beautiful face. Something about Iris West was always so calming. "Thanks for coming. You really didn’t have to."

"I wanted to." Iris walked into the living room where Barry put his boxed stuff. "I missed you. I barely see you these days." Barry looked down at his feet guiltily. He was avoiding a lot of people lately, his father, Darryl, Iris... They didn't deserve this poor treatment yet none of them complained. Barry wondered if he actually deserves them.

"Umm, yeah, you know. Sorry about that. I was—"

"You don't have to explain anything, Barry." Iris said softly. "I didn't mean to make you feel guilty." Barry was about to apologize again when Iris interrupted him one more time. "Why don't you make coffee for us while I tape these boxes? I brought my dad's car so we can move all your stuff at once." 

"Thank you, Iris." And Barry meant it. He was not only thanking her for helping him but also for always being there and keeping his feet on the ground. Iris West was an angel and Barry didn’t know what he did right to deserve her. 

Barry felt Iris' eyes on him as he took a sip from his coffee. It was a bit too dark and bitter for his taste but he didn't feel like adding any sugar in it. He kept his eyes on the table, wasn't feeling ready to face Iris since he knew some questions were coming.

"So, when are your classes starting?" Iris asked finally. This wasn't what Barry expecting but he shouldn't be surprised, really. Iris wouldn't directly ask him about Victor, she was way too afraid to hurt him to do that.

"Second week of September." Barry answered.

"It is amazing that they let you continue even though you missed half of the last year. Perks of being a nerd." She said tenderly. "But all the jokes aside, I am so happy for you, Barry. I am glad you are coming back."

"Yeah." Barry mumbled. "What other choice do I have? I mean," he laughed humorlessly, "there is nothing I can do other than going forward, right?"

Iris' hand reached forward between them and grabbed Barry's hand like an anchor. 

"It is okay to be sad, Barry. It is okay to take your time. Cry, if you want to. And if you don’t feel like crying, that's fine, too. There is no right way to mourn. But in the end, we can only move forward. You know, Victor wouldn't want you to be sad forever. Neither would your mother. And no matter what anyone tells you or makes you feel, you are the strongest and bravest person I know."

"I don't feel strong." Barry's voice was barely a whisper. It was the truth. Since he woke up, all he felt was fear. Fear of losing someone else, fear of losing control and exposing himself and his powers, fear of hurting someone. Fear of finally becoming the freak that people called him all these years. "Nor brave. I am scared."

"Bravery isn't the lack of fear, Barry." Iris squeezed his hand. "It is the ability of facing your fears. And this is what you do. This is what you did as a little boy, every single day, going to that school where people treated you like shit. You were always brave, that's nothing new. And if you feel like giving up now, just don't. I know it feels like you are going to die from this heartbreak and sadness but the truth is, you won't. You overcame it before and you will again."

Barry wanted to tell a lot of things to Iris. He wanted to tell her how lost and scared he felt, how much strength she's giving to him and how much he's changed in past 6 months. He wanted to tell her what was wrong with him. And he felt like he could. He could talk to Iris, tell her everything and she would listen. She wouldn't judge. 

"Have you ever... Have you ever felt like you are supposed to be a part of something bigger?" Barry brushed his messy locks escaping from hair tie behind his ear and looked at the table, feeling a bit embarrassed for admitting it out loud. He didn't mean it as an arrogant thing. He didn't believe he was better than anyone else. It's just, he always felt like he was supposed to be something else than what he was at the moment. "I mean, have you ever felt like all your life, you waited for something? Like you have to be somewhere else and you must wait to get there? I don't know." He shrugged. "I always felt like that. Even my mother's death felt like that. Something that was supposed to happen to me. There was always this... hole. Empty. But if I waited long enough, it'd be filled eventually. And now, something has changed and... I think... I know what it is. I know what I was waiting for. But it doesn't feel right. When I met Victor, it didn't feel like he could fill it alone but... I thought he would be there, you know, with me. I know it sounds silly, I know we just met before the incident but... It just doesn't feel the same without him. And I feel so... so fucking sad because this is not fair, this is not how it was supposed to be."

"It is not silly, Barry." Iris' voice was so soft and gentle that Barry couldn’t look up at her, afraid he would actually start crying if he saw the look on her face. "I always thought that some people are meant to be in our lives. And I feel the same way about you, as you said. I think you are going to be so much more than you give yourself credit."

Barry finally looked up at Iris' smiling face and it felt so damn good. It felt so good to say it out loud and not being called an idiot for feeling this way. He gave her a shaky smile. Iris' face softened.

"Barry, have you... do you think of talking to him?"

"Him?" Barry frowned.

"Silas. Victor's father." Oh. Barry ran his eyes away immediately, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"No, I mean, why would I?"

"I thought... Maybe it'd help you. Both of you." 

"I don't know him." Barry said desperately. "I doubt he wants to see some random friends of his son." He stood up, signaling it is the end of their conversation. "Can we leave now? I want to settle before August comes back, so, I can annoy him."

They had to do 3 times route to carry all his boxes since Iris couldn't park in front of the building and instead, they chose to use the main path to the dorms. Barry's fingers tightened around the paper box, leaving marks as he eyed the same road he walked 8 months ago with so many different dreams and intentions. It didn't rain today so cobblestones were dry and it was still too early for leaves to fall. Sun was still shining bright on the sky and everything was different than the last time. It was still a beautiful sight to see but for some reason, all the colors that made Barry's mind go blurry with their beauty lost their sprightliness. There was a couple sitting on the bench now, they were both looking at something on the girl's laptop, discussing whatever it was. Sometimes they would turn to look at each other at the same time and a small smile would appear on their faces with an understanding. 

Barry casted his eyes on the cobblestone and walked rest of the way without looking up at the trees and the road. He almost missed his own dorm until Iris stopped him with a worrying expression on her face.

"I proably really hated this place before," Barry joked, "I clearly erased it from my memories."

And Iris pretended like she believed his poor attempt or joking.

"Oh my God!" August almost screamed when he saw Barry and Iris in the room. "It's the Walking Dead!"

"You aren't funny, Heart." Iris said, rolling her eyes.

"Wow, Iris West. In my room. What an honor." August smirked at her. 

"This is Barry's room, too." August turned his gaze at Barry. August Heart wasn't the most sentimental person however he wasn't a bad roommate. They mostly had small talks and respected each other's privacy. August was more fun and upbeat compared to Barry and you couldn't catch him looking serious. Until now. That's why Barry was surprised to see August eyeing him with a serious expression on his face. 

"You are back then?" He asked without any humor in his voice.

"Yes."

"Good." August finally smiled. "It was getting too boring around here without someone to mess with."

And this was the closest thing to 'I am glad to have you back' he was going to get from August. This somehow made him feel a lot better.

Barry smiled back at him genuinely. 

When Barry said no to Iris, he was serious. He didn't want to see Silas Stone. Not only because he felt awkward when it comes to meeting new people (especially important scientist like Mr. Stone) but also, he barely knew Victor and what was he going to say to Silas? 'Hey, I really liked your son, sorry about your loss, I feel like drowning every time I think about him so, trust me, I feel your pain, man!'

Yeah, no. That didn't sound right. 

But then... he remembered how Victor kept visiting Henry when Barry was in coma and he felt like an asshole. Victor did that for him. And here he was, running away from a little challenge because the idea of meeting Silas was making him anxious. He could at least say 'hi, I am sorry for your loss', right?

That's how he ended up waiting in front of Star Labs late at night. He heard from Iris that Silas was working late almost every night. He was a workaholic and that was something Victor despised. Barry hated that he was learning all those details about Victor's life from someone else.

It was strange, to learn so much about someone after their death. When you think about death, you think it as an end. You would think everything ends with death. But then you keep learning more and more about them and suddenly, you realize it doesn't end. Sometimes you only get to know a person truly after they die. 

When Barry saw Silas Stone walking out of Star Labs doors, he was ready to run away. He could do that, he could be gone in a flash. But then their eyes locked (probably because Barry was only person waiting in front of the building late at night) and Barry was glued to the spot. Mr. Stone seemed uncertain at first. He didn't know if he should approach the kid or not but younger man kept staring at him like he wanted to say something.

"Hello?" Silas tried in the end. Barry took a deep breath and pushed back his hood, the last thing he wanted to do was looking like a bag-snatcher. 

"Hello, Mr. Stone." Barry tried to smile.

"I am sorry, do I know you?" Barry opened his mouth to answer but words stuck in his throat as his eyes wandered on the very familiar features of Silas Stones' face under the warm yellow colored street light.

"I—I am... I am a friend of your son." He bit his tongue and cursed himself in his head. "I was." He corrected.  

"Oh." Silas looked uncomfortable and Barry suddenly felt like he was making a terrible mistake. He shouldn't have listened to Iris. 

"I am sorry, I shouldn't—I better—I should go." Barry took a step back, feeling so, so fucking stupid. 

"No, no." Silas shook his head like he just woke up from a bad dream. Wasn't it all just a bad dream though? "It's okay. I am sorry, for my reaction. I just—It's still very new. This whole... Everything is... Yeah." 

"Yeah." Barry mumbled. An uncomfortable silence fell on them and Barry stroked the back of his head nervously. "I should go. I am sorry for disturbing you. I just... I am sorry for your loss. Victor was an amazing person. He was a good friend." Silas' smile looked artificial.

"It's okay. Thank you for coming. And caring." Silas extended his head. "It was nice to meet you...?"

"Barry. It's Barry." Younger man took Silas' hand quickly but Silas didn't shake his hand. He had a strange expression on his face. "Sir?"

"Oh, sorry." Silas apologized politely and dropped his hand. "It's just... I heard a lot about you."

"Really?" Barry raised his eyebrows. He didn't think Silas would know him. According to what Iris said, Silas and Victor barely had a relationship. Why would Victor talk about him before his death? They just met back then.

"Yeah. Victor really liked you." Barry blushed slightly and prayed that it would go unnoticed in the dark.

"Umm, yeah. I liked him, too. Nice guy. He was. He was a nice guy." He mumbled anxiously. 

"Anyway," Silas smiled, "I have to go. But it was nice meeting you, Barry."

"Likewise." Barry mumbled as he watched Silas getting into his car and driving away with a heavy feeling in his chest.

Barry had one of the coolest powers in the world. And he usually tried not to use them, in fear of getting caught. But sometimes, when he felt safe, he would like to test them. He wanted to know about those powers. Where is this coming from? Why did he get this power and why him? He had so many questions and being a scientist at heart, he was dying to run some tests. 

However, this time he only ran because he couldn't stand to spend another time in front of that building where he talked to Victor's father. His legs carried him 'till the bench on his path to the dorm and he shakily sat down because he didn't feel like he could run any more. It wasn't the powers that stopped him. They were working perfectly, it didn't even take him a minute to reach here which would normally take at least 45 minutes to walk. 

He took heavy breathes, not because of the run but he felt like someone was squeezing his heart and he found it hard to breath. Something was bubbling inside him and it was definitely not the powers this time. When the first sob escaped between Barry's lips, he was genuinely surprised. Out of all the things, he wasn't expecting to cry. 

It was so silly of him, really. How could someone not realize that they were about to cry? But Barry was holding it inside for so long that at some point he truly believed he would never cry again. 

His fingers dig into his legs, clutching them like a lifeline as his body bowed forward and another sob escaped. Then another and another. Until he was crying loudly. Hot tears rolled down on his cheeks and he bit his lower lip a bit too hard. He could feel the faint taste of blood on his tongue. 

He hated crying. He hated how dirty his face was, how messy he looked and how stupid he felt. It made him feel like a child all over again, having no control over his life and what's happening to him. Tears fell on the cobblestone under his feet and Barry closed his eyes tightly, biting his lower lip to stop himself from crying. His body was shaking silently. He felt a childish anger. Directed at whom, he didn't know. He never thought much of God but if it was him doing all this to Barry, then he was the target of this young man's hot burning anger. 

He wanted so much, so much more. He wanted to reach forward and scatter every piece of fate's plans like pearl drops. He wanted his mother. To hold him, to tell him everything's going to be alright. He wanted to hide under his covers like a 9 years old and hope that all those powers, pain and responsibilities would fade away until nothing but peace and lightness left behind. He wanted his father to walk out of that prison like they didn't lose years away from each other and gather Barry in his strong arms.  

This want that you cannot fulfil was the worst. It was buried deep in your chest, burning as a reminder of all the things that you can't have. 

He was so deep in his own thoughts that he barely heard the scream. 

When he looked up at his surroundings behind teary eyes, everything slowed down without his doing. He hated it the most, it happened before, out of nowhere. He was still getting used to the idea of things slowing down around him and he would watch the world in a way that he didn't even know existed until he woke up with electricity under his skin. It felt like a reflex, he didn't know what triggers this part of his powers but he didn't have much time to test them out after all.

He looked around to see who screamed and he saw the girl from the other day, who was sitting on this very same bench with her boyfriend. Her face was frozen with a horrified expression and when Barry followed her gaze, he saw her boyfriend on his knees and hands in front of a car that was about to hit him. Barry's eyes widened in a panicked state, his hands were shaking. It wasn't too late, they could still do something.  _He._ He could do something. He was the only one who was living in this different, slowed down time. 

Barry was careful and almost paranoid until tonight. First, he used his powers to run away from the shadows of Star Labs and now he was getting on his feet without thinking, covering the distance between himself and the car in the blink of an eye, grabbing the other boy under his arm and dragging his body toward safety. 

Barry dropped the boy in front of his scared girlfriend and took two big steps until his back hit the wall behind them and time went back to normal.

His eyes were tightly closed as he took deep breathes, trying to slow down his even fast for him heartbeats. He heard another scream and opened his eyes but this one was more shocked than scared.

"Oh my God, Ron!" The girl wrapped her shaky arms around her gaping boyfriend's neck and sobbed. 

Barry took two shaky steps back and looked around them timorously. He was afraid of getting caught, someone noticing that he wasn't there a second ago. He shouldn't have exposed himself like this. But one look at the couple in front of him was enough to kill all his worries and doubts. 

He did the right thing.

He saved someone's life tonight. Like he always wanted to but in a different way than he could ever imagine. 

He saved someone's loved one. A mother won't be crying tonight, a lover won't be missing her boyfriend. 

Barry showed an honest-to-god smile for the first time since he woke up from the coma.

Something truly changed that night. 

When he walked into the living room of their house, Silas only saw darkness. He turned on the lights and saw Victor sitting on the couch without moving a limb. Not even breathing. It was a disturbing sight, even though Victor was wearing an old tracksuit, it still felt wrong and inhuman.

"Hello, Victor." Silas said, taking off his jacket. "What did you do today?"

"Is this a fucking joke?" Victor's voice was emotionless and deep. He didn't look at his father. 

"Victor, please—"

"Don't." Victor growled. "Don't talk to me. Don't try to make  _this_  work." 

"I know you think you can't have a life, I know you think it's all over but it's not." Victor's laugh was bitter and humorless.

"Really? What life are you talking about? You think I can just walk out of this room, meet with my friends who think I am dead and have a cup of tea, maybe?" He turned to look at Silas, his eye was burning with hatred. "Is this what you are thinking,  _dad_?"

"Why not?" Silas tried but Victor's expression was enough to put an end to this effort. He sighed and walked toward his son. "What about that boy?" Silas asked, hands reaching forward, almost desperately, like he is holding the answer in his empty hands. "What was his name? Barrett?"

Victor's eye widened, he looked up at Silas immediately.

"What?"

"That kid you mentioned before, he—" Victor interrupted him, voice was poisonous.

"What's this got to do with him?"

"He came to me today and it seems like he cares a lot about—" Victor got on his feet faster than Silas could react and stood right in front of him. His mechanical forefinger of his left hand pointed at his face, right between his eyes.

"Stop." He hissed between tightly closed teeth. "Don't you fucking dare. You heard me? Leave him alone!" 

"He came to me." Silas said defensively. "He cares about you a lot. It was so clear, Victor. He was hurting." Victor hated the way he talked, like he cared for Barry's pain. He was only trying to make Victor do whatever he was wanting this time. "Poor boy looked so lost. If you go to him, he wouldn't turn you down."

Victor took a step back, his anger leaving him as fast as it came, instead leaving a thick cloud of sadness over his head. Did Silas really believe that Victor didn't think of going to Barry? He did. He did think of going to Barry, telling him that he wasn't dead like everyone believed. He imagined Barry not caring his inorganic body, giving him one of his beautiful smiles and wrapping his arms Victor's neck and Victor would hold him close. He would never let him go. 

Then what? 

What else could Victor give to Barry? Could he actually take him out for dinner? Could they even have sex? Could they walk in public with no shame and nothing to hide? 

"There is nothing I can give to him now." Victor looked down at his mechanical hands, flexing fingers as testing their similarity to his human hands. It hurt to admit out loud. But it was the truth. That part of his life was over and Barry was better without him. Silas said he was hurting but Victor tried not to think about it. Barry would mourn and move forward. They barely knew each other after all... Right? And Barry would find someone who could actually make him happy, give him the life and love he deserves. Someone other than a fucking cyborg.

"Victor—"

"Shut up." Victor said calmly. He turned his back to Silas and walked toward to his old room. "And leave Barry alone. You already ruined enough lives."

Darryl almost burned his tongue when Barry walked into the room dressed up in skinny black jeans and a Sex Pistols t-shirt. He was so used to see Barry wearing sweatpants and old band t-shirts with holes on them. But what surprised him wasn't seeing Barry run around his kitchen dressed up like he was about to go out. He didn't expect to see Barry after he moved out the other day.

"Good morning, Barry." Darryl said, leaning against the counter. "I didn't know you spend the night here."

"Oh, yes." Barry said, filling his bowl with Cheerios. He was feeling a lot hungrier than before. First, he thought it was coming back from a dream-like state of depression but soon he realized it had something to do with his powers. The more he uses them, the hungrier he gets. "I came late, you were already asleep." He shrugged. He knew Darryl didn't mind him staying here.

"I have no milk left." Darryl apologized. Barry shrugged.

"It's okay, I bought some." Barry tried to hide his smirk when he thought of the shocked shop owner and the thief from last night. Darryl eyed him with a suspicious look.

"And where are you going now? You look like you are in a hurry."

"I am going to see my dad." He shoved a spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth. "Then I will... umm, hang out with Iris, I guess." Darryl's surprised expression replaced with a smile quickly. 

"That's great, Barry. I am glad to hear that." Barry looked down at his bowl and tried to smile. He hated lying to Darryl, or anyone if that mattered. But he couldn’t mention his plans to Darryl. There was no way he would understand. Hell, even Barry didn't know what he was doing.

"Uh, yes. I should go or I will be late." He said, looking at his father's old watch on his wrist. Darryl watched Barry washing his bowl affectionately.

"When are you not late, Barry?"

"You didn't make me wait another month to see you again this time." Henry said jokingly when he saw Barry again. Barry knew he was not serious, Henry would never blame him for not coming. Barry wanted to tell him, to make him understand why he kept coming to see him. How much it meant to him. He was so afraid to lose his father. And him not coming to see his father was an enough reminder of how fucked up he was a couple of days ago. 

"Sorry about that." He still felt a need to say.

"It's okay, son." Henry said and he meant it. "It's just so good to see you. Especially after—" Barry raised his eyebrows as Henry looked down with a sorrowful expression. "It was hard to spend every single day in here when you were in hospital." Oh. Barry felt a cold hand wrapping around his heart. "Not being able to see you." Henry took a shaky breath. "When I see Victor here... And when he didn't say anything first, I—I thought I lost you, too." Barry placed his hand on the glass between them.

"I am here, dad. I am here. I am fine." Henry placed his own hand against Barry's. 

"I can't lose you, too." Barry felt a pang of guilt but he dismissed it quickly. He knew he was doing the right thing. It was his chance to make things right and help people like he always wanted to do. 

"You won't." Barry said forcefully. 

It was a promise he was willing to keep. 

"You look so much better than the last time I saw you." Henry smiled fondly. "You even brushed your hair this time." Barry shrugged, blushing slightly. He was a mess the last time they saw each other. "I am serious, though. I don’t even remember when was the last time I have seen you so... alive. So full of life and excitement. You are glowing, son. I am so glad."

I have..." Barry wanted to tell him. He wanted to make sure his father knew. Not his powers, of course not, but the things he could do for them. For all of them. He wanted his father to know that he doesn't have to worry anymore. Barry found what he was looking for. "I have changed. Things have changed. That incident... I know it was terrible and you were so worried but... I don’t see it as a bad thing, not anymore. Like so many other things in my life, it was meant to be. All those things lead me to this moment." He leaned forward with a newfound excitement. His eyes were glowing and his cheeks were painted with a faint pink. He looked alive. Not just surviving another but actually living. "I feel like... Dad, I feel like my eyes are opened. I can see things clearly now. And I know my place in whole this. This emptiness that I have lived with for so long without knowing it is finally filled and I have a—I think I found my calling. This is what I was meant to be." He leaned back against the chair and ran a hand through his hair. "I am sorry. I know it probably doesn't make any sense to you. But what I am trying to say is, I am okay. I truly am, dad. You don't have to worry about me. I am not cornered nor trapped anymore. I feel free."

"I am glad you are finally moving on, Barry." Older man looked at him with teary eyes and smiled. 

"I am not..." Barry leaned forward again to take a better look at his father. "I am not leaving you, if that's what you think. I will never leave you. I could never. I am still determined to find the person who murdered mom. I will never give up." Barry said determinedly. "But you were right. About many things. I always relied on other things and waited for so long. I was stuck and was scared to move forward. Not anymore. My eyes are opened to everything around me. I will no longer miss another moment because I am so obsessed with finding justice for us. I can do both. I don’t have to choose." He looked pleased with himself. "From now on, I will do my best to make a difference." Henry's eyes wandered on his son's face. His chest was ready to burst open with love and pride.

"I just want you to be happy, Barry. This is all I want. This is all I care about."

"I am happy, dad. I am now."

His hands tightened around the bricks as soon as he saw Barry walking out of the doors. He looked... different. His hair was longer, first of all. And he was walking in a strange manner, like, he was trying to remind himself to slow down a bit. It was one of Barry's weird behaviors that brought a smile on Victor's face before. 

He wanted to go after him so bad, he wanted to leave this spot on the rooftop of one of the buildings around Iron Heights and follow Barry. He wanted to surprise him and tell him everything that happened to him since the accident. He wanted Barry to say _'you are okay, it's okay, I am okay'_.

He needed Barry. 

He needed to leave everything behind and be with him.

But all he could was to watch him from a far like a creep with a longing feeling for something he cannot have anymore. Barry was right there and Victor couldn't reach him. He let Barry think he was dead. He let Barry mourn for his death even after learning his past. But what could Victor do? As he said to his father before, Victor had nothing to give anymore. He was a soul stuck in an alien body. 

Victor felt like punching something. Probably his own father.

Death was so much better than suffering this way. He should have been dead just like his mother. His father stole his peace from him. Silas took his life apart like it meant nothing to him. 

It probably didn't mean to him until Victor became one of his 'cool' science project.

Victor watched Barry disappear with a heavy heart that made him feel more human than before.

Of course, being depressed and staying in Darryl's house all day long meant no job for Barry. And he managed well for a while, or he simply didn't care. But now that he was back to the real world, he needed money and he had to work. So, as much as Barry was excited to become something else, he had to find a solution to his real life problems first. Finding a job wasn't easy before, finding three jobs was even worse now.

Luckily, Mrs. Jiménez was nice enough to take him back. When he walked into her little grocery story, she was actually pretty happy to see him again. She even hugged him and gave him some food because apparently Barry lost some weight. She shook her judgingly and blamed Darryl for not taking a better care of him. Barry smiled awkwardly and thanked her. And then he was lucky enough to find a part time job in a library. Well, it was all thanks to Iris. But Barry didn't mind calling Iris his luck. She also handed him his third job. It wasn't paying as well as other jobs since he was going to work so little but still it was better than nothing. Iris convinced her boss to give him a part-time job at CC Jitters. 

Barry's schedule was full once again. Everything was going back to normal slowly. There was still this feeling of being not whole. But Barry was hopeful. He could feel something coming. And for the first time in his life, he didn’t feel anxious. The unknown was not scary, on the contrary, it was exciting. 

Something to look forward to.

Barry felt like an idiot when he looked around the abandoned warehouse. What was even doing here? All those people who mocked him for being a nerd were right. He read way too many comic books. What was he going to do? Just because he had some powers now, it doesn't he couldn't just go around, claim a spot as his base and decide he is the protector of this city. It doesn't work like that in real life. Citizens wouldn't welcome him with open arms like in comics. And he knew nothing about fighting! Yeah, sure, there were some petty thieves that he could catch by simply being fast, too fast for them. But what if something big happens and he fucks up? Not only he would die in an embarrassing way but he would also ruin Darryl and his father's lives when his identity gets exposed.

He looked down at the scattered old metal pieces he stole from NASA's base with a frown on his face. He tried to paint them to a shiny red because Iris once said red looked good on him and he liked the red blur he leaves behind when he runs wearing something red. 

But what now? How was he supposed to put them together? And would it even be comfortable? He knew whatever this power was (Barry thought about calling it 'The Force' but he didn't want to get sued by George Lucas), it was protecting Barry from every harm that would be caused by the extreme speed that he was moving but fighting crime was a lot different than running around the city. 

Barry sighed and sat down. He could put these pieces together and build a suit for himself. No problem. It was the least of his problems. When he decided to use this abandoned warehouse as his base he didn't think much of it. But now sitting on the cold, dirty floor reminded him that he was doing something, technically, illegal and finding a sponsor wasn't an option. He had very little money and he didn’t even know where to begin with.

He thought of running around the city and collecting scraps that could be helpful. But all he could found were some old, dirty couch, some shelves and a broken but not beyond repair bookshelf. Then he actually found some old looking leather chair that he loved very much. Yeah, that was a good day. If he was going to keep an eye on the city, he was supposed to follow every CCTV and police radio. But for this, he actually needed to find TVs and screens. That wasn't something you could find in the garbage can of every building in Central City. Well, maybe one or two. But not as many as Barry would hope to find.   

"Forgive me, God... and Darryl." He sighed. "This is for the greater good."

Barry's suit turned out just fine. So, maybe, it wasn't the most comfortable thing to wear, for one, he couldn't scratch anywhere besides his chin but it was pretty practical to wear and if you asked Barry, it looked pretty good on him. And Barry would like to ask this Australian dude, too. Because he was the first bad guy to actually see the... The... Yeah, Barry was still working on his superhero name but he didn't want to say this out loud because it was a bit cringy to call himself a superhero. He wanted something cool and scary like... Batman, maybe. Though Barry was sure he didn't look like a bat or any other animal. Maybe a sports car or something fast like that. But Jaguar or Cheetah sounded wrong to him. 

He was working on it. 

And this Australian dude was the first real villain that Barry faced. He looked a bit funny with his long coat, silly beanie and stupid beard. But Barry heard from police radio that he was pretty dangerous and hard to catch.

Well, not for Barry. 

With his speed, it was almost too easy to catch him. And maybe the shock on the villain's face was very satisfying that Barry felt like a bad-ass for 5 seconds until heard police sirens and decided to vanish.

The next day he read about the most wanted Australian thief and a 'red cladded weirdo' on the newspaper and fist pumped in the middle of Darryl's kitchen with a toast stuffed into his mouth. Even getting called a weirdo couldn't ruin his mood.    

Barry just finished his patrol and came back to the warehouse where he took off his cowl and pushed back his long hair that plastered to his forehead with sweat. Okay, maybe long hair wasn't the best option for wearing cowls. And Barry didn't want to cut his hair before but that doesn't mean he had a special connection with his long hair. Every time Iris called him 'this hippie', he promised himself he would get a haircut soon. He didn't have a time for that before though. 

Why wait?

If his hair was representing something, then it was time to let it go. He promised himself and his father to move forward, didn't he? 

He found the scissors and cleaned the dirty mirror in the warehouse with an old t-shirt he found on the floor. He stood there for a second, looking into his own eyes. It was just hair, right? It didn't much. He always liked his hair shorter anyway. 

He held a tuft of hair between his fingers and cut carefully.

It was always easier after the first time. 

Barry thought it was going to be another day where he visits his father, goes to warehouse where he suits up and patrols around the city. If he's lucky he would have time to study. Despite studying his ass off, he still had so much catching up to do before semester starts. Of course, all his plans were cancelled when he found Bruce Wayne sitting on his second favorite chair, wearing a suit more expensive than anything Barry could get his hands on. If Barry was going to be honest, Bruce Wayne was a bit creepy. Who would sit in the dark and wait for someone to get back home? He was a real drama queen, that man. Still, he was the fricking Batman and he was like a legend or something. Without his cowl and cape, he didn't look so scary. Not 'I can murder you in seconds and there is nothing you can do' or 'I am the night I am the vengeance' kind of, at least (though, at some point he tried to throw a Batarang at Barry). He still looked like one of those rich assholes that would get you fired for spilling his coffee on his expensive suit. 

And he wasn't here to question him about the things he took from NASA or other places. He was actually here to ask him to join his team. Barry made a little victory dance in his head. He was doing good so far but he didn’t think he was good enough to catch Batman's attention in a good way.  

Then there was Diana. No one could blame Barry for embarrassing himself in front of her. She was a goddess –literally!- and Barry never had friends like them (not that he had many friends). It was all so bizarre and crazy. They were bunch of outcasts and weirdos in the eye of society. But Diana was flawless and Bruce was, well, Bruce Wayne. With all of his grumpy faces and issues. 

And for the first time in forever, Barry didn't feel like the only weirdo in the room.

Barry respected Jim Gordon since the moment they met. After all, this old man looked into Batman's eyes without screaming or running away. Even Barry who knew who was under the suit still felt a bit uneasy around the man. And they all looked so professional that Barry tried to copy them and follow the direction of the conversation. They were talking about some threat and Barry wondered what he got himself into. He wasn't planning to back down, of course not. He didn't know these people that well but if there was threat that big enough to make Batman worry, then Barry was going to stay and fight with them (and probably die, too).

Barry got startled when someone landed next to them. He hated being so anxious and jumpy especially since Diana and Bruce looked so unbothered. But he didn’t have time to feel annoyed or embarrassed. His eyes landed on the figure and his heart skipped a beat. He felt someone punched him in the gut. He looked different but Barry could recognize this face anywhere. Whatever that happened to him changed him obviously. His body was replaced with some alien looking metal and it was also covering a part of his face. But all Barry could see was Victor.

It was Victor. 

"Victor?" His name slipped between his lips easily, sounding so fragile and young. His hands were shaking and he could feel Speed Force waking up under his skin, running through his veins. But he wasn't going to run away this time. The other boy's eye found him, looking puzzled. "Victor, is that you?"

Taller boy's eye widened, he opened and closed his mouth like he couldn't make any sound. 

Barry's shaky hands reached for the sides of his cowl and pulled it off.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bruce growled and looked at Gordon who was polite enough to turn his eyes away to give Barry some privacy. "Put your mask back on." But Barry didn't pay attention to him. He took shaky steps forward until he stood right in front of Victor. Taller man's face softened and Barry didn't even realize he was crying until he felt something wet on his cheeks.

"Barry." Shorter boy's eyes almost closed shut the moment he heard that familiar voice whispering his name. Victor sounded pained and sad. So fucking sad that Barry forgot all his questions for a second. All he wanted to reach forward and hold Victor's hand, telling him everything is okay. But he couldn't. He was confused and he was feeling too many things at once. He almost felt dizzy. 

Diana felt the importance of the moment and she gently grabbed Bruce's arm, pulling him backward with herself. Gordon shrugged and moved toward the stairs. His job here was done after all. 

"Barry." Diana said softly. "Remember the place Bruce mentioned you back on the plane?" She hoped Barry was able to make sense of what she was saying. He looked shaken and Amazon warrior was worried about him. 

"Yes." Barry answered shakily, without takin his eyes off Victor. He was afraid Victor would disappear again even if he blinks for a second.

"Meet me and Bruce there, okay?" Her soft brown eyes turned to the other boy. "You, too, Victor. Please."

"But—" Bruce tried to protest but Diana gave him a sharp look and they both disappeared in a second. Barry would be really impressed by Batman, a simple human, doing this trick just like that but he was so busy looking at every inch of Victor's face. He forgot about the greater good or the villains to fight. World could end right here, right then and Barry wouldn't even notice. 

"You are alive." He finally said, without even feeling like an idiot he normally would for stating the obvious. 

"Barry, I am—" Victor struggled to say something to make Barry understand. He didn't blame Barry for being mad. He deserved that. He let Barry think he was dead, he let Barry mourn. And he could try to make understand his reasoning but would that be enough?

"You are alive and you didn't tell me anything." Barry sounded more like himself now. Like he woke up from a dream state. "You let me think you were dead." He voiced Victor's thoughts.

"I don't know what to tell you, Barry." Victor whispered.

"Tell me why." Barry said forcefully. "I mean," His eyes broke the eye contact, gaze fell to Victor's chest, "if it was because of me, that you didn't want me anywhere near you after—"

"Stop." Victor choked. "It has nothing to do with you."

"Then why?" Barry pleaded. 

"Can't you see?!" Victor would feel bad for yelling at Barry under normal circumstances but right now, Barry acted like he couldn't see the problem. He acted like he couldn't see Victor and what he became. "Look at me and tell me you can't see the problem." 

Barry's hand hovered between them, too afraid to touch Victor without his approval even though he was dying to touch and make sure he was really here.

"What happened to you?" Barry whispered. 

"It is a long story." Victor mumbled annoyedly. "It is all gone now. My father took everything from me."

"But you are still alive." Barry said dumbly. Victor's face formed a bitter smile.

"Is this a way of living? What kind of life this is?" Barry finally felt bolder and touched Victor's arm softly. He was wearing fingerless gloves but Victor's metal skin didn’t feel as cold as he expected.

"We could still make it work. Victor, you don't have to—"

"Look at me, Barry." Victor said forcefully. "I have nothing to give to you."

"I don't want anything!" Barry raised his voice. "I only wanted to... be with you."

"My body is gone. I feel like a man trapped in this alien body. Sometimes I don't even feel like a human."

"That's not true." Barry begged him to understand. "You came to me. Remember? I was the weirdo of the school, no one ever took a second glimpse at me. No one ever paid attention to me. But you looked at me. You actually looked at me. And you didn't mind my awkwardness or my lack of social skills. You were patient with me and sweet and caring and loving. You were so good to me." Barry looked into Victor's eye. "That's what I want. That's all I want. And you are still that man. This body changes nothing. You are still the best person I know. And you are the last one to get your humanity questioned." Victor didn't know this body was capable of crying. But his eyes felt wet with unshed tears.

"Barry, I have nothing left. Hell, even half of my face is gone." Barry's hand reached Victor's face and caressed his skin of his cheek with uncovered tips of his fingers. 

"It's okay." Barry smiled with teary eyes. "You still look so handsome."

"You mean the half of my face?" Victor couldn't help but smiled down at the shorter boy. Barry Allen was so precious and with his mussed jet-black hair and teary eyes, he looked so small. Victor wanted to gather him in his arms and protect him from everything that would hurt this precious boy.

"Yes." Barry laughed shakily. "You know, this part," he pointed at Victor's human eye, "this is my favorite part. I always loved this part of your face." Victor laughed out loud before framing Barry's face with his new hands, leaning forward slowly.

"Barry." He whispered against shorter boy's lips.

"Hmm?" Barry answered unintelligently. Victor looked at his half-lidded eyes and his gaze dropped to his lips.

"I waited too long to do this." Then he covered Barry's lips with his own. Barry moaned against his mouth and wrapped his lean arms against Victor's shoulders, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them. Victor buried one of his hands in Barry's silky short hair, other one wrapped around his waist. 

"By the way," Barry said between kisses, "there is a mad man we need to stop or he will destroy the Earth."

"Together?" Victor said before planting another kiss on Barry's plump lips. Barry smiled and looked at Victor's lips before crushing his lips against the other boy's.

"Together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and motivating me, guys. You are the best!
> 
> That last part was inspired by [this](https://ishipflashwitheveryone.tumblr.com/post/168628922305/ray-and-ezra-compliment-on-each-others-faces)

**Author's Note:**

> An amazing artwork by Rei can be found [here](https://ishipflashwitheveryone.tumblr.com/post/168469222030/i-did-a-thing-thanks-to-lacacciatricescrives) (we are working on a romcom with Ezra and Ray, imdb & metascore better give us the reviews and score we deserve)


End file.
